***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

I'm feelin' fine, but I did have such an odd episode today- at work was feeling a bit anxious and my mind went to some weird places that I won't relate even in this forum, but on the heels of the more outre' stuff, I had a self-harm intrusive thought that reminded me a little of the ones I used to cook up when I was a child. This one involved ingesting substances (no, not poison, foreign substances) that would probably result in a pretty painful and nasty demise. I'm surrounded by the stuff at work I mean my mind was like what's to keep me from just grabbing a handful and eating it?

I have enough control over intentional harm intrusive thoughts (eg, i will DO this or that, as opposed to unintentional harm thoughts) that I wasn't like freaking out or anything- I was just like, 'stop it' and forgot about it a minute later- but it hit me pretty hard and fast and for a moment I was that 11 or 12 year old who would get ideas I was going to do this or that to myself and get pretty freaked out about it. It was interesting enough I thought at the time, 'ooh I have to put that in this thread'. No big deal, but just a reminder it's always there, lurking, testing you every so often just to see if it can get the best of you

Hi everyone, it’s been a while.

I’m doing…ehh about as well as you would expect. My grandmother finally passed away at the beginning of this year and I miss her so much. I now understand what people mean when they say grief comes in waves. Some days I’ll be okay, and some days it just takes mentioning or even thinking about her once and I’m a crying mess…Especially like today which would have been her birthday. But at least I know she’s finally free from her dementia.

Generally things are okay, I guess. Been trying to become healthier and more physically active. Keyword “trying”. It’s very hard. Gonna have to think about getting a new car too. I hit a deer a couple days ago and my car got damaged quite a bit. It’s also old and pretty much falling apart anyway.

As far as OCD goes, ehh I don’t know. My latest fear is if I try to grow my audience as an artist, someone could eventually find things I’ve posted here that I know they won’t understand it’s OCD. But I know it’s largely anonymous, but with how tech savvy people are nowadays, I just feel awful. Though I’ve had this worry before and somehow have gotten past it. Mayhaps I’ll just have to ride it out.

Welcome back, though of course we all wish it was a better report.

Sorry about your grandma. You must have been real close, and it gets rough, I know. For most folks it gets better, time blunts the grief.

Sorry about the car, too! But if it was getting rough anyway maybe it's for the best. Not that the deer would agree...

Now then.

I think there's two ways to deal with these fears. You make a decision now to never mention your mental health and OCD.

Or you embrace it and be open about it, because it's OCD- it's not as if you have done anything wrong imo. You don't have a rap sheet. You might even find yourself an advocate for OCD understanding with your art.

There's always going to be someone who would knock you down if they could. With or without the OCD.