***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Pocdsucks wrote:DAMMIT!!!
I was going to visit my cousin, and then I saw him topless. I didn't get any arousal whatsoever. And then when I slept my brain kept telling me that I was just faking not being aroused by it. Any help please?

Sooner or later you're going to have to make yourself disregard what OCD tries to tell you. Stop second guessing your arousal- if you're really aroused by something, you'll know it.

*mod edit*

Kaleb28 wrote:This past weeks been pretty bad, Everytime I check I check to see if my attraction to men has disappeared and sometimes it's not so strong which gives me so much relief which is great, I don't know, none of my feelings are similar to those in OCD forum which sucks. I've always been a sissy to some extent and more recently Ive had good feelings thinking of men. I remember being 13 and thinking to myself, being bisexual sounds great because than you can enjoy a wide range of options than when I was 14 and I had ocd bisexuality sounded better than being gay and by 15 the thought sounded just as bad as being gay (I think). These days the idea of kissing a woman doesn't speak to me anymore, I feel like I'd have to force myself to kiss a woman which isn't something I think I would have ever said in a million years before. Even if I do get over this a world where I have the option between the two sexes is a world I don't want to live in, who knows maybe I was clueless all along maybe my "OCD" all these years was just a coverup for something else.

Anyway sorry if I triggered anybody

Try to not 'check' what your attractions are, and just go with the flow a while and see where it leads you. Constantly ruminating on it is only going to make your head spin, I think.

Dammit

Sometimes I feel like I’m just pretending to not like/want the thoughts. And that I have this “urge” to look up CP out of some “morbid curiosity” but I really don’t want to. And I’ve never really had that urge or thought before, which, I know, it’s OCD. I don’t like feeling like that. I know I was confident in what I wanted before this, and knew definitely what I DIDN’T want.

It’s just like I don’t even care anymore. And I feel like these thoughts are attached to the core of my brain if that makes sense, and I wish I could just pull that core out. I’m so confused about which are my genuine feelings and which are OCD trying to mess with me. I do know that just now when I had those thought that I felt a sense of…I think it was dread? Ad I felt a definite cold sweat feeling wash over me.

It’s like I’m just so numb to everything now that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Again, I know it’s OCD, so of course it’s going to be like that.

I was just enjoying a high from a dream I had where it felt like one of the guys from a YouTube channel I like liked me back (and he’s in his 30s so, phew) and it felt good. But I guess OCD decided things were too quiet (probably more like I tried to compulse and test myself, I’ve been finding I do that quite sneakily). My brain keeps trying to conjure up a scenario where I go on talk shows or something and I’m indroduced as the first open pedo or something but I’ve NEVER EVER thought that before. I don’t like thinking that. At all. I know before I’ve gotten very obviously upset and felt absolutely sick when having any of these thoughts or “feelings”. And that I would feel significant relief when coming to a conclusion that I’m not a pedo and don’t enjoy the thoughts or “feelings”. Now it’s so very unclear. I know that means OCD has whittled me down into a state of “meh who cares”

Artninja1995 wrote:It’s just like I don’t even care anymore

I think if you didn't care, it wouldn't bother you so. And to me, the entire object, is to intentionally train yourself to have an attitude of not caring. It's only when you don't 'care', that the fangs are pulled from the obsessional fear. At least in my experience. I have to make myself not care, or else I remain in fear. Of course on some level, I'd care if I were a pedophile, or if I was a killer (my harm OCD)- I'd be horrified. But by deciding to not care, I defer that horror for when it's deserved, and not before. Do I look at illegal images, or grope children's naughty bits? Nope- so I'm not a pedo. Any thoughts in my head are confined to the 1300 or so cubic centimetres of flesh inside my skull. You have to judge yourself by what you do, not what you think.

It’s just so hard to do that. I don’t want these thought to be there at all.