Transgender OCD

Jdd is correct, there are degrees to gender and there's lots of wiggle room between having no desire at all to dress or even be the other gender, and being trans.

Thanks guys. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I'm hoping to get some more coping strategies from him!

Unfortunately, today was another bad day. I've been trying my best to live my life as usual and decided that I had enough of this and wanted to go out and get back into a normal routine. I decided to go out for a long walk with my girlfriend.

Two things happened today that really set me back. While having a shower I didn't feel like myself and once again the recurring theme of me not liking my body came back. I honestly can't tell anymore if this is true or not. Also, while hanging out with my girlfriend the entire time I kept thinking that I want to "be like her." Once again I can't tell if this is true or just another cruel version of OCD. These two things are really hard for me, because as I mentioned before, I haven't found similar TOCD symptoms (which I now realize that not all symptoms are the same). Most people seem to really like their body and are convinced that they belong with their assigned gender.

Anyways, I'm trying to stay positive and I'm going to continue to fight (with the correct coping strategies).

Also, just wanted to mention that this is a great community and I give a ton of credit to the moderators and posters. I just wanted to recognize the efforts that others make and the compassion that posters show. Thanks again.

Okay, I know you've a g/f right now, so on and so forth, but would you happen to be 'love shy', that is, generally shy around girls? I ask because a study, and book (Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin, 1987) was done back in the 80s, iirc on love shy males, and the researcher discovered a subset of males he coined 'male lesbians'. Love shy guys, who definitely were not gay, OR TRANS... that nevertheless were envious of female prerogatives. While they didn't have a desire to change their bodies, they nevertheless wished they'd been born female, which is not the same as growing up 'in the wrong body'. They generally tended away from typically male activities growing up, and mostly preferred the company of women far more than men- in fact many of them did not like their own gender in general.

It's a thought. I ALMOST fit that description, except i HAVE had same-sex attractions and at one time wondered if I was trans- i'm still an almost-candidate for mild GID, but I don't think I really am. Just wondered if that fit any of your experience or feeling. Also if it makes you feel better, that right there is a prime example that it IS possible to think wow I wish I was a woman, without at all being trans. My s/o gets penis envy. I get boob envy. I mean I was in some forum and answered a fun question if you could be a celebrity or someone else for a day who would it be and Sofia Vergara came flying off my typing fingers. No brainer. But I'm not trans. But heck yeah I'd like to be a woman. They get to wear cool things, they can act how they want.... still not getting anything chopped off, though. I'm not trans.

I'm sure your therapist will have something to say about it... for some reason, in this thread, I haven't done what I normally reply in the GID threads, that is, suggest some self-testing. This all sound so OCD to me and I don't want to complicate. When *I* worried about being trans, it wasn't an OCD worry, it was... well, an obsession of sorts, but not the intrusive thought OMG, am I Trans??? kind. I took some online screening tests and it put my thoughts to rest, for the most part, but because you're OBSESSING over this... like Otter said, when we get OCD we want that 100%. 110%, even. Sometimes I can't check that upstairs faucet enough, I want to sit and watch it and touch it constantly to make sure it's not running. Seriously.

Your therapist hopefully will provide some insight, just remember that the OCD brain can very easily make you weirded out as you describe in your last post. Heck stress can make me think all sorts of crazy thoughts.

Let us know how the therapy session goes!

I don't think I will go into detail about my stuff here because it may spike Juventus. I think I would have been described as love shy but now I'm not entirely sure that is the case anymore.

I can talk to some girls just fine but going any further seems like a waste especially when I feel nothing for them right now.

Yeah I don't want to feed the OCD monster either. But I want to make the point that there's plenty of room for thoughts like these that don't include OCD or GID.

Hey guys I'm going through the exact same thing. I suffered with HOCD for about three years throughout high school (still do) until I started having TOCD at the very end. I am going through a lot of what you are going through. While I used to thoroughly enjoy working out and feeling muscular and manly, and always felt great as a strong guy, TOCD suddenly descended on me without reason. I started to feel strange about my body, and things that used to feel good and natural became strange. Just like you, and the others on this forum, I deeply fear being trans even though I fully support the LGBTQ cause. Also like others, I know deep down that it's OCD because it is the opposite of what we felt in our natural state. Just remember that there are others out there like you, going through the same thing, that you are not alone, and that with intervention, it is a treatable disorder. Hope this helps a little.

I'm going through the exact same thing as well (except I'm female XD)

I've always felt happy being a girl and always pictured myself as a female and i did a lot of girly things when i was little (still do). I did become a tomboy somewhere along the line but i still liked girly things (even then the only tomboyish things i ever did was wear t-shirts and jeans all the time and play video games, ad that doesn't even really count when you think about it). I did hang around with a lot of guys too, but I equally hang out with girls too. Then winter of my freshman year HOCD slams in like a freight train, and i questioned all the time if I was a lesbian. I didn' want to be at all. I wanted to marry a wonderful man (still do). I dodn't even know at the time that it was OCD, i thought i was genuinely questioning my sexual orientation. It went on for 4 years until just this past winter, when TOCD came in and made me even more confused. Every time I looked at guys i kept thinking "no you dont find them attractive you want to be like them." but I don't!

I still get some backlash from HOCD every now and again, but TOCD is the main problem right now. Luckily, another chick who I've been friends with since first grade went through HOCD as well and conquered it, so I've been able to talk to her about it (both HOCD and TOCD) and she's been really understanding.

But yeah just like Otter said, it's different for everyone. There would be days like you where i couldn't look myself in the mirror and taking a shower made my anxiety spike, and there were days where I was confident and happy and couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. You'll have your up days and then your down days.

Keep your chin up dude. Remember that OCD is a tricky b*****d. Also, if you ever need to talk, I'm always here to listen..err, read.

TOCD has made me feel awkward around the same gender as me now.. making me doubt for so long that I no longer feel like one of them
I know it's trying it's hardest to manipulate the way I think and feel, but I am steadfast in my willpower and will get through this one way or another just as I have with several other themes.
God bless everyone.

djslanty wrote: but I am steadfast in my willpower and will get through this one way or another just as I have with several other themes.
God bless everyone.

Good attitude. Good luck. Post when you want.

Otter.

Hi everyone,

I agree that having a good attitude can go a long way especially when times are rough. Unfortunately, I couldn't see my therapist this week as she had to cancel for an emergency.

I was able to talk to a counsellor through my work and she said that I do not meet the typical signs associated with being transgendered. She created a list with the following:

-Never feared being trans prior to co-worker trigger
-Never stated that you wanted to be a girl during childhood or puberty
-Strong affiliation with male friends
-Played with typical male toys and had male role models

She agreed that re-assurance seeking was not the answer but wanted to state the facts so that I could see things rationally. Although, she did mention that being transgendered has to do with how you feel and nobody can make that decision for you (that scares me a bit)

I wish this empty feeling would go away and I could love myself again. I hate feeling like a fraud and not being able to look at myself without doubting if I like my assigned gender. I also want to be able to feel comfortable in my clothes again (always considered myself to be a well dressed man lol)

I'm going to continue to fight and would love to hear additional suggestions on how people with this type of OCD have incorporated CBT techniques into their day to day activities. I know a few people have mentioned that they have had some success. Sharing those exercises would really be helpful.

Please everyone stay strong. I will pray for you all and wish you all the best. If anyone wants to talk, I'm willing to offer advice at anytime.

"You, yourself, as much as any-body in the entire universe deserves your love and affection"