I'm starting to doubt my HOCD. Help. Please.

At this point I'm not even sure anymore. My only proof now is vague memories and I don't even remember how it felt either. I know I shrugged some opportunities off but that was because I felt pressured and shy or was it?

Hello, please reply! I'm going through the EXACT same thing as you, I had nightmares before and a lot of anxiety and now my mind is telling me I like my thoughts without having any anxiety at all. I get the exact same numb feeling and am doubting everything. Something deep inside me knows this is all wrong though. I am scared hocd will actually turn me gay too and I will never ever accept myself as such. Please please tell me you've found a solution. All I'm feeling is numb and now that I've finally started dating the love of my life (a boy) this all happens. I pray to god this goes away and I go back to my boy crazy self. Please tell me you've found a solution. I am not okay with all this. How can this happen to me!? Please respond.

Please someone help me. I am starting to think the exact same way even though I know deep down I am straight. I had bad bad anxiety a couple months ago when I first got hocd but now I don't get any anxiety at all and it's like my brain is telling me it's okay to like girls and my brain is telling me I will get more pleasure. This is so embarrassing me for me, why is this happening? I am religious and will never ever even attempt to ever do anything with a girl but my mind is no longer getting anxiety about anything and making me think it's okay..and I don't get anxiety about that either! I read the earlier thread to this and I can relate with everything! Please tell me you've found a solution please!

Relax. Have you had any extended periods like a day where you didn't feel like you've changed since this started? Because I haven't really. And I don't know if I even need the thoughts anymore to trigger, its just pure fear and checking and testing and often times I don't feel the fear but it seems like it is there simply because the lingering doubt and question is always in the back of my mind.

What do you mean by an extended period of time? I've always known I am straight. But the doubt came with one thought. And I was drunk at the time..it seems common for this all to come about with the use of drugs. Like I am a normal college student don't get me wrong but I feel like none of this would have happened if I didn't get too drunk that one night. I no longer have fear like you said but that lingering "what if" in my mind. I can really relate to the earlier thread from Kjoy about everything she said. I hope this is all reversible..I have a boyfriend now too and can't even be happy cause of these thoughts that keep coming up. Do you think any HOCD specialist has dealt with this kind of case? It seems that all HOCD sufferers had anxiety like I did in the beginning but I never heard of anyone's thoughts becoming realistic without anxiety if that makes sense?

Sure, but the doubts are there always now to make you continuously wonder. I've seen plenty of people say that they are so unsure after this hits.

I haven't seen an HOCD specialist yet (my OCD specialist therapist didn't really help and couldn't put me in weekly treatment so it was harder for me to follow through), and I might not even get that chance if they shove me right to the U.

And if you start to doubt your ocd diagnosis like the OP, that makes it seem all the more legitimate even if it isn't.

Sorry..but I haven't found any solution..I am still struggling with my own battles so..Mine actually got worse over the past few days..It's as if I'm suddenly attracted to girls..to their voices and appearances etc..and of course I get anxiety and scared but more than that I get angry and frustrated and before I know it I have this huge urge to inflict pain on myself. I question if I even like this guy..I fear of becoming a lesbian or bi..I fear that all my "attractions" towards the same sex is becoming reality and it angers and scares me. I too, pray to god..which provides me some comfort. Another comfort I have is knowing that I am not the only one facing this problem. I do get some breaks at times..but my anxiety comes back within days. Sometimes I just don't think about it..it's not a permanent solution just a temporary one..but I keep my mind off it by drawing but once I'm finished..it comes back..Just remember that you are not the only one facing these problems.

Ah..but I do have an advice..it's a pretty obvious one..but in mh opinion the hardest step to take..do not check. I cannot stress how important it is..do not check..I recently did..and I regret it so much..no matter how of an urge you have to check yourself..porn..video..photo or things like stories that contains lesbians..do NOT check..I recently checked a story online..a short story someone wrote for fun..and the story revolved around a lesbian couple..I didn't even read it..just by scrolling down and taking in very few words..I regret it so much..because not only have I taken a step back..my mind is now trying to tell me that since I "read" it..it is going to happen to me..and I would enjoy being in a relationship with a girl..if not now..then later..and I just flipped out..got frustrated and angry..again..and scared and nervous...and I had to reassure myself over and over..which is not really working BUT take my words..if you want to recover..or at least take a step closer to recovery..my advice (I should follow my own rule..) is do not check..no matter how big of an urge you have..fight it off..Trust me it is not worth it!! If anything it would make things worse.

Kjoy954 wrote:Sorry..but I haven't found any solution..I am still struggling with my own battles so..Mine actually got worse over the past few days..It's as if I'm suddenly attracted to girls..to their voices and appearances etc..and of course I get anxiety and scared but more than that I get angry and frustrated and before I know it I have this huge urge to inflict pain on myself. I question if I even like this guy..I fear of becoming a lesbian or bi..I fear that all my "attractions" towards the same sex is becoming reality and it angers and scares me. I too, pray to god..which provides me some comfort. Another comfort I have is knowing that I am not the only one facing this problem. I do get some breaks at times..but my anxiety comes back within days. Sometimes I just don't think about it..it's not a permanent solution just a temporary one..but I keep my mind off it by drawing but once I'm finished..it comes back..Just remember that you are not the only one facing these problems.

Can you describe the "attractions" more if you fear like it's becoming reality?