P-OCD Need help please.

Hello my name is Julian and I have a problem with OCD. I have the obsession that I might be a pedophile. So earlier two years ago I decided to watch Pokemon like I did during my childhood. I got strangely aroused in some parts and I didn't think it was abnormal or anything (I was 14 at the time) and even fapped once. and it's been tormenting me the possibility of being a pedo ever since more or less a year and a half ago, when I had just come through HOCD and asked myself "what if those thoughts make me a pedo?"

Now I have seeked for help and haven't got an answer. I once told my dad and he said it was okay, because here's the thing that pretty much relieves my anxiety:

I have had a very slow growth. I'm 16 but I look like 12 year old. I remember not feeling out of my age group when I was 12 but now I do. Everyone is so much more taller and their voice has changed. Mine hasn't.

I've barely started going through puberty and I've felt slightly intimidated by girls my age. They look much taller.

Thinking about it, the girls from Pokemon do seem my age. I've realized I have felt true attraction for these things but I just want it to be normal. What I want is someone to tell me that it's normal and it'll go away. Plus, I don't think of the girls from Pokemon to be younger than me. Also I don't like little children. Sex with childrenwould be disgusting to me( 0-10 year olds) I'm guessing true pedos are aroused by children because they are powerless and they seem more manageable, I guess.

I also feel more attracted to girls my age or older. I haven't tapped to Pokemon girls in a while, without counting when I get all anxious and worried (like now.


My point is: I don't think that I am attracted to little children. I don't get aroused by feeling that the girls from Pokemon are younger than me..

Also I think I'm feeling really bad because I read that pedos just try to justify their acts and it makes me really anxious. I don't want to be this way forever. I think I just truly realized that. I want someday to make this change. I wouldn't mind at all if I stopped being aroused by these things. In fact, I'd feel more relieved. I'd like it that way, indeed.

It's such a hell to live like this. It's 4:30 am where I live and I haven't slept because of this.


Please help me. I feel bad because I did once feel the urge to fap to these things and, although I was going through this kind of self-questioning at the time, I didn't feel any of that at the moment I felt the urge. I did feel very guilty after doing it. In fact, I hate this POCD #######4 because I read pedos sometimes can't control it. They wish it goes away but it doesn't and they have to accept it. Please I need help. I don't want to be an idiot like that. Just, someody out there help me out of that possibility.

If somebody told me I am not a pedophile for these things and I will never be, and even tell me that it'll go away when I grow up and stuff I will be very happy!

If not, I'm screwed, because I won't accept myself. It's just not me. I don't see myself being a pedo or liking these things the rest of my life. I feel bad....


I just don't wanna go through the hell of being a stupid pedophile. I wanna have a girlfriend my age and live my life. I wanna get married when I'm older.

Also if I didn't think about these feelings I have (I don't need to be anxious to be aroused but I feel anxious right after I'm aroused) I wouldn't feel the urge to fap or anything. I would get boners I'd say from time to time, not often actually. I do remember being more prone to being aroused to these things two years ago, so I guess it has gone from bad to better? I've had this theory that it's going away but god ever since I read that post where that idiot pedophile said he went under this kind of circumstances such as wanting the feelings to go away, I've been living a nightmare.

See, I was put off because when I had HOCD you couldn't be gay or homo. People who didn't want to be gay and wanted the feelings to go away were not gay!! Why is it the case with ######6 P-OCD? I thought it worked the same way!! What the hell!

If I honestly had to ask myself.. I would feel that, deep, deep inside of me, I am not a pedophile. I really don't feel like one...

God, everytime this happens it wrecks my sleeping habits. I just won't become a pedophile! Honestly I'd rather commit suicide than become a pedo.. (don't think I'm feeling depressed right now)

I actually feel respect for the people who found out they were pedos and they didn't like it (if that exists at all, which by the way, I don't think it does)

I think pedos are like homosexuals (although a pedo breaks the law). Pedophiles notice their sexuality before or during puberty and they aren't really bothered with it. What makes them anxious is feeling rejected by society, just like gays do. My case is different, though. I don't wanna be a pedo because I, well, don't want to be a pedo! I just don't want to become one. I can't exactly explain it but I just don't. It's not within me. I don't feel comfortable being a stupid #######5 pedo!

I feel anxious because I know I do have these feelings and they're true but I just don't want them to last forever. I think "I would like to not have the feelings in years and then, one day, notice how stupid I was for thinking that" but then my OCD mind tells me "but you really like them, come on" (which is true, but I really rather not have the feelings at all. I would be happier)

And haven't I mentioned before that I do feel more attracted to girls my age or older? I'd rather have a girlfriend my age than one younger. Comparing that is like comparing an ant to a really, really, big ant (lol)

Lately I've had the urge to get a girlfriend my age actually. I'd feel one thousand times more comfortable with a girl my age than with somebody younger. I don't want to completely reject the feelings I have though, because I fear that I'm suppressing them and they will come back and they really didn't go away. That IS in fact my worst nightmare of them all..

-- Tue May 12, 2015 9:57 am --

I feel anxious because I know I do have these feelings and they're true but I just don't want them to last forever. I think "I would like to not have the feelings in years and then, one day, notice how stupid I was for thinking that" but then my OCD mind tells me "but you really like them, come on" (which is true, but I really rather not have the feelings at all. I would be happier)

And haven't I mentioned before that I do feel more attracted to girls my age or older? I'd rather have a girlfriend my age than one younger. Comparing that is like comparing an ant to a really, really, big ant (lol)

Lately I've had the urge to get a girlfriend my age actually. I'd feel one thousand times more comfortable with a girl my age than with somebody younger. I don't want to completely reject the feelings I have though, because I fear that I'm suppressing them and they will come back and they really didn't go away. That IS in fact my worst nightmare of them all..

I often think, when I'm not spiking or feeling anxious, "why would you worry on such a thing?" "it's not even abnormal"

I don't think of it as abnormal really. I would gratefuly appreciate a response from somebody. Thanks

Please help?

Something interesting just happened. I had this urge to act on the feelings out of anxiety and such and I stopped myself not really trying. I looked up about hebephilia andnpediphilia andbI kinda convinced myself I didn't have any of these. Then suddenly my urge disappeared
I've noticed the feelings fade as time goes on

it's hard because each day thatpasses this becomes worse. I'm seeking help from everywhere but I don't feel satisfied. Could somebody tell me their opinion please?

I mean my feelings are as follows:


-I have these feelings and I accept them. I don't consider them too disgusting. I mean I THINK I'm starting to dislike them.
-I truly don't think they make me a pedo. I feel deep inside of me that they're normal.
-I don't think they'll last forever.
-I would like to have the feelings if they're normal. I would absolutely hate to have them for the rest of my life.
-I prefer a lot more girls my age or older.
-When I think about my anxiety I don't think I'm having sexual fantasies with children or kids younger than me.
-Just one year before I changed schools two years ago, I had classmates that were like me. In size and in every aspect. Then the year later everyone was older than me and I felt slightly excluded and out of place.
-I want this OCD crap to end

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