Wonder what's wrong with me...

Hey everyone.

For the past few years I've noticed an incredible change in myself. Since I was about 13 or 14 (I'm now 18, just about to turn 19) I've had a habbit of washing cups out before I use them. I didn't think of it much until my mum noticed that I've was doing it every single time I used a cup or a glass. It means I'm unable to go out to someone elses house comfortably incase they give me a drink in their own cup, which I have not washed myself. To resolve this, I make sure I bring a bottle of water everywhere I go. I can't deny that I have this quirk, but it's got to the point where I even time how long I rinse the glass or cup out for - one the water has reached the brim or the glass, it has to run for exactly 5 seconds... any more or any less, I have to do it again. I don't know why I do this and it has started to bother me.

Another thing that I've been doing for the past year involves socks. You see, if I take two socks out of my drawer and they happen to be odd, I'll still wear them. But the process I go through is time consuming and quite frankly annoying. I have to inspect each sock to see which one has more of the colour red in it, and whichever one has more red on it, I MUST wear on my right foot. If somehow I'm rushing and I put the sock with the most red on it on my LEFT foot, I feel like someones poured boiling water over my foot and I need to take the sock off immediately before I have a panic attack (just thinking about it just now is making my heart race). I feel like if I put the right socks on the right foot, I will have a good day and nothing bad will happen, but if I make a mistake, it means that something bad will happen, and then I start to obsess about what COULD happen.

Also, since the age of 11, I've had this paranoia that people have planted cameras all around my house, so everyone is watching everything I do, especially in my bedroom. I used to be very cautious and undress and get dressed in the bathroom, which I don't do now, but every so often I still catch myself inspecting every corner of my room to see if there is anything there.

I have so many things which I want to describe to everyone so they can get a good overview of myself, but I don't think anyone would want to read a post that's longer than this anyway.

Here's a quick list:

Everything near me has to be in even numbers, frighteningly, so they don't get lonely

I get a panic attack if I forget to dot an i or j or if I don't use punctuation.

If I'm anxious about something, I unconsciously start scratching, even if I'm not itchy. It happens especially in my sleep, which I'll wake up bleeding at some point. When I'm awake, I feel like I'm in a trance doing it and I can't stop, but it's only on my legs that I do it for some reason. I don't feel that it's any part of self harm though.

I have impulsive thoughts of taking the steering wheel when someones driving and crashing into other cars, but it doesn't bother me of the outcome, even though I know it should, but other times I'm disgusted with myself for even thinking of things like it.

Strangely, I have an obsession that I have a mental illness (that's not OCD) and that I'm holding this secret away from people and I love the feeling of it. When I think of it, I love the feeling of pretending or knowing there is something wrong with me that people don't know about for some reason.

I get really obsessed with people easily, even if I've only met them once.

I just need some comfirmation that I'm not completely crazy because it's scaring me a little now and I feel like I'm unable to cope when I think about it

Hey,

To begin with I must say that you have a beautiful name. Lorelei is unheard-of where I am from and I just think it's great.


Now, are you good at relating to people? It sounds like you have OCD but I'm thinking that there is more to you than just OCD. The fact that you feel there are cameras in your house is rather worrying so I think that you need to go to a doctor, ok? Things like that, if left untreated, can turn out very bad indeed.


Take care,
Kevster.

Hey, thanks for the reply. Yeah, I find the camera thing most worrying too, and a little bizzar as to why I think that. I do know that I have big trust issues with people, even my own family so it doesn't contribute to it well.

I just kind of wanted to talk to people about it to see if it's really OCD before going to a doctors and getting told that I'm a normal teenage girl who's struggling with life a little, you know?

Hi Lorelei
The sock thing and the drinking glass quirk definately sound like obsessive compulsive behaviors. But paranoia is not a symptom of OCD. You have quite the combination of ocd traits though. It seems you get intrusive urges while also having compuilsions without obsessions. Strange. The sock thing is classic ocd behavior. So is the glass washing, if it is a germ preventive or if you feel like you are preventing something else from happening by doing this.
The only thing that is out of place is the paranoia. Let me get this straight.....Do you actually believe that there could be cameras planted in your house? or do you get the though of them being there and feel like you have to check just in case.
I agree with Chucky, you should definately seek professional help as soon as possible. Take care of yourself.
Amy

aimdog wrote:The only thing that is out of place is the paranoia. Let me get this straight.....Do you actually believe that there could be cameras planted in your house? or do you get the though of them being there and feel like you have to check just in case

I don't believe that they're there, because I know it's not possible, but it's just something in my mind that sparks, makes me think this and then I have to check just in case, like you said. It's not one of my bigger issues anymore, but when I was younger it bothered me so much so that I couldn't spend time in my room.

Thanks for the replies.

Hmm,


I was thinking along the lines of Schizophrenia in my earlier post but the fact that you don't actually believe that the cameras are there leads me to believe otherwise. It could just be a quirky form of OCD. I mean, we all get sudden, unusual thoughts into our heads even though we know that what they represent is false. As OCDers some of these thoughts are hard to stop thinking about however.

Kevster.

Chucky wrote:Hmm,


I was thinking along the lines of Schizophrenia in my earlier post but the fact that you don't actually believe that the cameras are there leads me to believe otherwise. It could just be a quirky form of OCD. I mean, we all get sudden, unusual thoughts into our heads even though we know that what they represent is false. As OCDers some of these thoughts are hard to stop thinking about however.

Kevster.

I agree with Kevin, Lorilei, Your thoughts seem to be pretty organized. They don't seem to be that of someone who is suffering from a psychosis. I think (and I am not a doctor) that the thoughts of cameras being in your room is an intrusive thought and you checking is the compulsion. But, you still should seek professional help ASAP. But, make sure you tell them that you don't really believe that the cameras are there. Make sure you explain yourself well. You might want to make a list of problems that you have been having so that you don't forget anything. You don't want a more serious illness being taken in to consideration when you are actually pretty rational. You're going to be just fine.
Take care,
Amy

Thankyou Amy and Kevin.

That's the reason I've been putting off getting things straight from a doctors mouth because I'm frightened that he/she will diagnose me with something that I didn't think about, or something that would need alot more treatment. Listing things is a good idea so I think that's probably the easiest way to explain myself.

Since I was about 12 until I was 17 I always got the feeling there were cameras in mirrors (I know it is almost an impossibility) So I always got changed or did things I wanted to be kept secret away from the mirrors, for example in the corner of the room. I also have the routine of rinsing out glasses before I use them. Just to make sure there is no soap in them.

It's not just about the soap for me, even after inspecting the glass, every inch, I still rinse it out if I see nothing there. My anxiety levels rise when I inspect the glass, causing me to rinse it out in such a manor and routine.

One thing that's frustrating me most if writing and reading. For example, I just had to send an email to my doctors surgery for a repeat prescription. After writing the email, I couldn't bring myself to send it until I'd read it over more than 5 times to check it, even though I knew I'd not made any mistakes when I'd typed it. Everytime I went to click on send, I felt like my veins were going to explode from the stress of sending this one email. It's very common to happen with me, especially at work when I have to send an email, or type anything out for meetings. My anxiety levels shoot to a ten, to the point where I could scream, checking over and over again.