Transgender or TOCD?!

haha reading that killed me.

I just really really hope I'm not trans

ugh I am freaking out. I relate SO MUCH to TOCD stories it's just the only piece that is different is that i do have SOME evidence that i could be trans so obviously that is blowing everything up in my face.

I just spent an hour talking on a trans chat room and expressing how much distress I've been in and all of them said it was scary to think about the consequences but not the actual concept of being trans. I've had moments where I've just been like "okokok you're trans" and then I start thinking like "wow I'm gonna lose friends and I'm never gonna be a gay guy again and I'll never find a partner" but the majority of the time I am just flat out terrified of the concept of being trans and having to change my body. I really don't ever want to get to a point where I have to change my body.

Everyone in the chat room said that I could be trans but none of them went through this when they realized it. I'm so confused its unreal I really really hope I'm not I would miss being in my body so much.

What you're going through is not what they went through, because it's not what they go through.
It's not a mystery that because they don't know what it's like to suffer OCD that they would be suggesting that MAYBE you are, as they don't know how OCD effects people.
Stop searching for an answer.. you're not going to find it.. trust me. Not on here.. not in your head.. not anywhere.. because the answer does not exist haha.

This is literally eating me alive.

For two days I "accepted" that I was trans and started planning for the future and trying to get excited about it. I had a meeting with my psychiatrist and he said that I am definitely not trans even though I insisted I had come to peace with it and now I cannot stop thinking about it. He said I really need to try to stop thinking about this because it's getting to toxic levels. I now keep picturing myself as a woman in the future.

Sorry for the graphic imagery: I keep imagining if I had a vagina during sex and see imagery of it and that does really gross me out. I also keep asking myself "if I woke up as a girl would I be happy?" and "if I woke up as a different guy would I be happy?" and look around the room and imagine myself waking up as the different guys and girls in my office.

I really don't know how to get this to stop, I'm convinced I'm transgender and if I don't do something about it now I'll just end up like one of the people who rejects it until they're 50 and has to transition late in life.

SOS

-- Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:39 pm --

I've also started getting social worries like "what will people think of me?" "who would I lose?" because this has been going on for 2.5 months and consumes my entire day so I think since I've had social worries now, that means I am.

I can't even sit through a meeting at work or a conversation with a friend without my mind thinking about "am I trans?" "ok youre trans" "no youre not trans" - it's a constant thought 100% of my time unless I am asleep (which I still sometimes have disturbing dreams about)

skier29 wrote:Thanks all for your input.

I think the only thing that's still killing me is that most of the stories I read people say that there's no evidence from their past that they could be trans but I do have somewhat typical trans narratives. Played with barbies as a kid, wished I was a girl once, I have mostly girl friends, I think women's clothes are prettier than mens (not wearing them), and sometimes I would think "i'd be good at being a girl".

I honestly feel like I'm losing it I thought things were getting better and I'm kind of calm right now but I can't stop thinking about it even if it doesn't stress me out. Like I just keep collecting all this evidence that makes it feel true and then I keep researching things you should ask yourself like "how do you see yourself in teh future?" and now I'm like "can I not see myself as a man?" "I guess I can only see myself as a woman in the future".

I'm so weirded out. I can kind of recognize that I keep doing things to "test" and "check" like I even keep tucking my genitals to see how it feels and I am like "do I actually not want my penis there??!" But at the same time there is evidence from my past that would suggest I might be trans and I feel like that's rare in TOCD cases.

If you like girl clothes or think they're pretty, or think that you would look good as a girl, be a drag queen. All of them are gay men that like to dress up. (courtney act, willam belli, alaska ###$)

I think I just have to accept that I'm transsexual. Everything I read says this just gets worse and eventually you HAVE to transition to survive. I'm devastated but I just have to accept it and move forward

skier29 wrote:I think I just have to accept that I'm transsexual. Everything I read says this just gets worse and eventually you HAVE to transition to survive. I'm devastated but I just have to accept it and move forward

okay, good luck.

skier29 wrote:I think I just have to accept that I'm transsexual. Everything I read says this just gets worse and eventually you HAVE to transition to survive. I'm devastated but I just have to accept it and move forward

Hey, how is it going boo?

Hm. Threads like these really pose a huge difficult for people who do suffer from OCD.

FreshGuy, you said you were diagnosed with OCD and then later came to the conclusion that you were actually transgender.

Now we have this Skier gentleman who is following the same pattern.

The question I have is if ya'll are so fretful about something and then later come to the conclusion that you are that thing you fear, then how could you possibly consider yourself to have OCD? As someone who truly does suffer from and has been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I don't so much find it triggering. I find it personally offensive.

If for some reason you feel that you are homo, trans, pedo, whatever and these feelings extend beyond OCD then you need to take these discussions into different forums with people who are actually homo, trans, pedo and they can discuss these things openly and attain support, rather than attributing your experience to OCD - which is NOT the same thing. Frankly, threads like these when they are posted in the OCD forums are only going to frighten people. If you say that you have TOCD and then have to come clean with the idea that you are trans, then it would stand to reason that someone who claims they have HOCD or POCD would have to come clean with the idea that they are actually homo or pedo. That conclusion, in its entirety, is 100% damaging to those who ACTUALLY SUFFER FROM OCD. It is not a conclusion that is likely to ever help the person who suffers from OCD, rather it is a conclusion that will drive someone deeper into the nefarious wash of obsessive thoughts.

Further, people don't just walk around their life blind to their true sexual nature, be it homosexual or trans, and then wake up one day later in life with this idea in their head "OH! I'M ACTUALLY GAY!" That is called latent sexuality or latent identity. That is Freudian / Jungian psychoanalytic bollocks that has long since been disproven. People have these feelings, sensations, ideas in their mind since they are children and they only come into understanding of these EVER PRESENT feelings and thoughts; not some random latent discovery of a repressed nature.

"A friend found out he was gay when he was 17." So, you're telling me that he was girl crazy for the entirety of his life until the magical years of 17 broke the deep repression of his sexual identity and he randomly stumbled on the conclusion that he was actually gay? Not likely. Once again, latent identity is a botched theory that is not accepted by modern psychiatry.

Overall, please take these discussions into the sexuality forum if you are going to come to these conclusions about your sexual identity. Claiming that you are OCD and then somehow deciding that you, in fact, identify with the subject of your fears is only going to frighten and trigger everyone around here.

In every case I see here where people coming to "accept" that they are the subject of the obsessive fears, I see very, VERY poor personal insight.

Get help, and listen to your therapist.

The irony of it.. is that Freshguy will hit up every TOCD thread , which I would imagine is a compulsion in itself.