Ocd woes.

Hi there. I'm a new member the this forum. I was looking around for help and found this. I'm going to preface this by saying I'm not an excellent talker/typer, so I'll do my best to make sense.

I've had Ocd for 7 years. It started out as washing my hands over and over because I didn't feel clean. That turned into checking doors to make sure they were locked. Just usual OCD. I lived with that up until 2012 and that's when my brain took a turn. I started getting intrusive thoughts. These weren't bad at first. I'd blow them off and move on. I've always had a firm grasp over my OCD. Well, I thought I did. These thoughts have gotten more and more intense over the past 2 (nearly 3 years) and it's to the point where It's finally beating me down and I'm letting it win. This past year has been especially horrific on my mind and I'm losing hope in myself. I feel abnormal. I feel like a freak that can't even control their own mind. These thoughts are wretched. They can be about killing myself, harming something/someone, of sexual nature or about murderers. It kills me inside because I'm a nice person (atleast I like to think I am). I'd never do anything to harm anyone. I always help when I can, even when my mind is in shambles. I'm at my wits end here.

I guess I came here just to vent. And to maybe ask for guidance. Maybe reassurance that the thoughts are meaningless. I was fighting this Ocd so well, and now I'm just some shell of a person that lets it dictate me. I've dealt with this alone as long as I've had it and I figure now is the time to seek others who have the same issues as me. Who can maybe provide support or reassurance that I'm not crazy.

I apologize for possibly repeating myself at all in this post. I'm just a poor talker is all.

Thank you for reading this. Even if no one responds, just. Thank you. I appreciate anyone who read all of that.

All the best to you.

I've had a similar experience with this so hopefully I can offer some decent advice or at least show you aren't alone.

I can start off by saying you arent crazy, a freak, future murderer, or anything else your OCD can come up with. However, you are going to want to be careful with reassurance because it can actually make this worse. After this, try as hard as possible not to seek reassurance.

For the thoughts themselves, there isnt really an easy way to beat them. That isnt saying they can't beat its just not fun. It seems the most effective way to beat them is just by not giving them any emotional response whenever they happen. Basically meaning to allow them to happen but acknowledging that they mean nothing. Its a very hard thing to do at first but gets easier through time. Also, considering it has been going on this long, it would probably help alot to find a therapist.

Now a few things pretty much everyone with this kind kind of OCD does that just makes things worse. Trying to completely repress these thoughts is a very bad idea because that can make them much worse. Reassurance seeking can make the thoughts worse and also become a compulsion itself. I used to look for reassurance almost all day every day. Its also pretty common for people with these thoughts to start avoiding things like knives, forks, or pretty much anything weapon like for fear of hurting someone. They might also avoid violent movies, games, or TV shows because they believe that watching them will make them more prone to commit violent acts. Avoiding these things pretty much just makes life harder.

To help better understand intrusive thoughts, try googling "OCD free how to overcome intrusive thoughts" Its a nice little list explaining a few details on intrusive thoughts.

I hope you can get all this back under control soon.

I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I really appreciate it.

I know reassurance is a bad thing. I used to be pretty bad on that. I'd ask all the time to be reassured but I've managed to kick that. I just came here wanting to be assured I'm not crazy. I don't really talk much in life because I like to handle stuff on my own. This is the first time I've ever vented about my problems. I tried a therapist in the past and he straight up told me I couldn't be helped so I stopped. I don't think I need a therapist. It'd just be a session of us being quiet. I don't talk much as I've said. And I'm not really in a position to seek one out anyways due to life stuff.

Thank you for everything you said in your post. It helped me out. I'll google that as you suggested. I just needed to seek help for once. I never tell anyone about my OCD these days because I don't want to burden people with it. It's my problem, so only I should have to deal with it is how I see it. (Just how I am)

Again, thanks for responding! And sorry again about how I type. Might repeat myself or not make sense here and there.