Help!!! TOCD?

I am a 17 year old girl. I have a boyfriend who I love and am very much straight. However, since last summer I have dealt with ROCD. I got over it and then it transformed into HOCD, which I then became able to manage. Now, I am being troubled by worrying about if I am transgender... I don't want to be a boy and the thought of not being a female makes me sick. I used to not be very confident in myself, but now am able to go without wearing makeup around friends and family, which worries me even more that I'm not a girl. I feel so terrible all the time and can't stop worrying about it and when I feel better I start worrying even more and my thoughts get all jumbled. I have never had these thoughts before except a month ago when I read an article and it made me start worrying, which I got over. Now I just want it to go away again. I go to a therapist for my OCD but don't really feel comfortable talking about this with her, it seems too weird to me. If anyone can help, please let me know.

Hey Mackenze,

I'm going through a hard time right now as well, and I know your feel. I think it's best to talk about this with your therapist anyways, I'm almost absolutely sure (s)he will understand and be there for you. I don't think your trans, doesn't seem like it. I think its just a good thing that you learned to be more confident about yourself, but that doesn't make you less a girl hope you figure it out!

Good luck!

Hun I'm going through the exact same thing. HOCD and TOCD double-whammy. Just hang in there. I know it sucks. But it's good you're going for therapy. The advice that I've been given is to try not to think about past things and checking yourself for signs that you could and could not be. It just makes it worse, trust me. I've been dealing with the TOCD for about a month and a half now as well, and literally all I've been doing is checking and trying to reassure myself that I never felt this way before. Deep down I know that's factual and true, but my brain keeps trying to make me think it was all a lie and keeps seeking out times in my childhood and making up memories. It's impossible to reason with.

Don't be afraid to talk to your therapist, that's what she's there for. I know how hard it can be. I have trouble talking to mine as well, because I'm always afraid that she'll tell me "nope you're definitely trans" or in the case with my HOCD "honey you're a lesbian, just accept it". I know I don't want to be either one of those things, and I've always gotten crushes on guys.

It doesn't seem to me that you're trans. From my extensive research into the matter in the first few weeks of this torture (a big no by the way cause it only makes it worse), I read that most trans people have felt that way their whole life to some degree. Some always knew they were born in the wrong body, others didn't but just felt like something was off the whole time and didn't figure it out until later. Like me, you have mentioned you never even gave it a thought before, nor felt off in any way. But the OCD is trying to make you doubt that.

You'll get through this. It sounds to me like you've been holding your own so far. I've had my HOCD for about 4 years now (I managed to control it in some way, and now that I have TOCD thrown into the mix, I kinda wish I had just the HOCD back instead of both of them at once. TOCD is much more painful)

Ugh I need to stop there, that was actually triggering it for me. Just out of curiosity, what article did you read?