Contary compulsions

Hello ,

since January or February I have been thinking about the way of how I actually speak. Having dealt with some compulsions beforehand, I began being compelled in speaking. This means that I reformed my way of speaking and slowly removed any colloquialism, informalism or slang. At moment I make use barely of any words, pertaining to these fields of usage, there are solely some words that are actually withstanding this compulsion. Coming to speak of my reasons to this, there was first of all the fact that I knew some Old High German, which is the predecessor to my native language. I was aware of the first person singular in the present tense in that language being for example "ih machu" ("I do, make"), in German this suffix "-u" has been shortened to "-e" or is simply omitted in colloquial speech. I somehow felt obligated to always use this suffix because of Old High German. Later on I forsook the indefinite possessive construction in German that is formed with "von" almost completely, as a matter of fact there is no indefinite genitive plural in German, instead one would for example say "die Arten von Meerestieren" ("the kinds of marine animals"), only with the personal pronouns I still use this construction both in singular and plural. I did this because I aimed to preserve the genitive case. At some stage I abandoned every colloquial, informal or slang word of which I knew that it actually were one of these ways. I think that I am really afraid of using any of these words because I reckon that I won't get the same grades in school anymore for I couldn't distinguish between colloquialism and standard language, furthermore I opined that I would need to forsake colloquialism somewhen because of a future job. I would say that this fear is the major cause to this compulsion. Do you think that I should break through maybe a bit slowly and reintroduce the words and maybe also constructions that I have given up on?

Besides, since some time I have been repressing any positive emotion in speech. I think that I once I read in a book that a character expressed his fear through words and then it somehow vanished because of a psychological principle. I have a truly huge fear that I would forfeit any emotion about something if I express it in words. Do you think that this psychological principle actually does exist? And should I actually abandon the compulsion?

I wanted to add that the compulsions that I once dealt with beforehand have almost completely disappeared, instead I have some contrary compulsions that are opposite to the absent compulsions. Even though these compulsions are not there any longer I still abstract the contrary compulsions, they originate from the ways that I wanted to remove the compulsion with.
An example for an abstracted contrary compulsion is the fact that I barely can edit a sentence that I wrote somewhere, shortening it. This compulsion is based on the thought that I once really shortened my sentences and used for example "sagen" ("to say") instead of "mitteilen" ("to inform") in some instances, though it may not have been a compulsion I regarded it to be one and thence there is this abstract contrary compulsion.

Anyways all the present compulsions that I described are merely voluntary by now, there are some other one's that I maybe can't abandon, I actually may be able to simply remove the merely voluntarily ones once I loose the fear.

Regards
Blanchard

Hello there. I am not sure I actually understood completely what you wrote, but I got the gist of it I believe, and that is this: you removed colloquial words from your speaking/writing, because you fear this will set you back at some point. If I am wrong, please tell me.

I don't believe this to be realistic. Everyone uses colloquial words, and there is a time and place for them. If you are at work or at school, you can forsake them and be fine. But don't be so stiff about it or you will drive yourself mad.

Besides, since some time I have been repressing any positive emotion in speech. I think that I once I read in a book that a character expressed his fear through words and then it somehow vanished because of a psychological principle. I have a truly huge fear that I would forfeit any emotion about something if I express it in words. Do you think that this psychological principle actually does exist? And should I actually abandon the compulsion?

I don't believe this to be true, but if you express your angst and fears sometimes it does help to work through them. Not sure if they will "vanish", though. Wish it were that easy!