HOCD? I'm confused, help please!

Hello, so I have never really posted anything about my anxiety before now, but it starting to really interfere with my life. I know there are probably hundreds of posts about this exact issue but I really need help. Thanks so much if you take the time to read!

So, I'm a 16 year old female, and in the past I have had OCD tendencies, mostly revolving upon checking the locks and stoves and that type of thing, but I've never been diagnosed with OCD or anxiety. I've been to therapy in the past, but this was before I've developed these types of issues.

So, a few days ago my mom just offhandedly mentioned the idea of me being attracted to girls (she wasn't serious or anything) but it got me thinking. In the past I've been worried that I'm lesbian, but this was years ago and it faded away, very recently though I had another small period were I was worried about being a lesbian but that too faded away, but after my mom brought it up again I CAN'T stop thinking about it. Basically everyday now since she mentioned it I've been soooooo worried I'm a lesbian.

I keep picturing myself in different sexual situations with both genders trying to figure out if I'm gay or not. The thing is I've always been attracted to men before this. I've always found them really cute or hot and never really seriously questioned my sexuality before. I've notice recently though as well that some of the stereotypes revolving around lesbians apply to me. I've always been somewhat tomboyish, I wear t-shirts and jeans most of the time, and I'm considering cutting my hair short.

I have nothing wrong with the LGBT community either! In the past I've done social awareness projects on the importance of LGBT rights, but I just really, really, do not want to be a lesbian. I keep trying to prove to myself that I'm straight, and then I feel better for a time, but then I start worrying again, and it's this awful process that keeps going in circles until I've worked myself up until I'm shaking. It's been keeping me up at night, and I feel so alone. I don't want to ask my mom for help because I'm afraid maybe I actually am I lesbian and this isn't HOCD and what if I just came out to my mom or something?

And I don't want to talk to my friends because some of the things I'm doing to try and make myself believe I'm straight are really sexual, and I don't want my friend knowing what I'm doing. I'm afraid everything I've always believed about myself is a lie. I've always imagined myself growing up and falling in love with a man and maybe raising a family.

I have NEVER seen myself with a women until now. I feel so alone and confused. I'm looking up articles all the time to try and reassure myself that this is HOCD, but then the doubt comes along again. I've been looking up pictures of guys to try and see if I'm attracted to them, but I'm way to afraid to look at pictures of women cause I'm afraid I might find them attractive. I'm just sooo confused.

I have always had crushes on guys before, my fantasies and dreams have always included guys, I have never had a crush or fantasy involving a women, but there was this one situation where my female friend put her arm around me and I felt something down there. I'm now avoiding touching people at all costs and it's driving me mad. I have absolutely nothing against the LGBT community, I just don't want to be a lesbian. I don't understand why I feel like it would be such an awful thing for me to be, but I do.

I've been feeling awful... If someone could offer some support that would be incredibly helpful, thank you! (also sorry this was somewhat lengthy)

I'm gay myself and find no offense to your OCD, it's fine lol. I had transgender OCD for 8 months and it was terrible. Yes you have OCD, when you say sometimes you feel fine but then you start worrying again, this is because you use reassurance to bring your anxiety down. You need to do ERP therapy to beat the OCD. Please do it early or else it will get worse and worse, it's impossible to beat OCD with reassurance.

Thank you! I actually caved in at supper today and told my parents. We agreed that it would be best for me to try and just accept these thoughts and see how it goes, and if can't beat it on my own I'll go get help. I actually feel a lot calmer now, and I can talk to my parents about it now, so that's nice. Thanks for the advice though, I'll be sure to keep it in mind.

Use this, it will help you. Trust me you feel better now but they won't go away.
obsessive-compulsive/topic152225.html

Thank you sooo much! I'm definitely going to try that. And yeah, I understand they won't go away forever, but it just makes it easier when I know I can talk to someone about it who's close to me. But seriously, thank you, that seems like such a good method to use.