Possible HOCD?

You're not bisexual now. It's irrelevant what perfectly average childhood experimentation you did in the past. Kids are interested in sex in general. I don't believe anything before puberty could be taken as indicative.

True. Those events at the age of 8 or 9 shouldn't be very relevant. And the trampoline thing on TV happened at 11 or 12 (probably right before puberty). I was in middle school then. I don't know if I knew what a vagina looked like and I didn't understand how sex worked. I knew the penis was associated with sex and that's probably the best explanation for it. Anything sexual was amazing to me. And getting away from that, I just know I always liked girls exclusively. I always wanted to impress them or find ways to get their attention, not with boys. I felt comfortable around them because they were just boys and I never thought about kissing them or trying to be in a relationship with one. I think that says more than anything else.

Favourite that post! Print it! Come back to it the next time the OCD starts giving you that pre puberty fake "evidence" crap.

the most rational thing I've said in a while.

After getting over my childhood experiences, my brain suddenly found new "evidence" to prove my fear. When I was 16 or so, I was watching a porno and a guy bends over in front of the camera in tight jeans. I was aware that this was a man but took strong notice of what he was doing and said, "his butt looks nice there..." and thought it almost looks like a woman's butt. I started to panic about this but then realized that this means very little as well... I didn't start looking at more men's butts, I didn't have a realization at that time that I liked men, and this was an isolated incident. I may have seen the movie again a number of times after and took notice of him, but it was never a big deal. In fact, I always found it odd that I would take notice and shrug it off. I also reminded myself of "the yoga pants prank" that men pull on other guys (do you know what I'm talking about?).

Then I met my friend near times square and oh boy... Saw men's butts everywhere and I wanted to scream. One guy was really feminine and wore tight pants and I am starting to believe I like that.

Men's butts have always existed... have I just never noticed them before and never realized I like them until the age of 22? I only started realizing women's butts at the age of 14 because of my friends!!

HopeLite wrote:I only started realizing women's butts at the age of 14 because of my friends!!

Can you or your OCD prove that? Prove there was no influence from porn, cultural pressures, or the development of your personal tastes during puberty? I'd be interested to know.

In practice. If it were this easy to rewire people's sexualities. Then I'm sure the "pray away the gay" homophobic organisations would be successful. [Rather than 100% fraudulent. My personal belief.] No one would grow up gay in strongly homophobic places. There'd be no paedophiles over in our Paraphilias forum. People with exclusive fetishes would be able to let go of them and be aroused by less restrictive options.

You're right. I think those "pray the gay away" practices are 100% fraudulent as well.

I think what I was saying is that my friends helped me "realize" that I liked women's butts at the time. So now I'm worried that I am only now realizing that I like men's butts (first small freak out happened at 19 after I started worrying about everyone being bisexual). Would it really take this long to figure out I like men's butts?

I figure that when I was 14, I was still going through puberty and had not discovered all of my sexual tastes. By the age of 18 or whatever I imagine that I was pretty much done with puberty, right?

At age 20 I watched gay porn for a class and felt nothing. And this was hardcore gay porn. Then after they had these discussions about everyone being bisexual, or people only being taught to be straight, etc. and this got stuck in my head and I had a "what if" argument going on in my head. Eventually I saw an unexpected image of a man's butt (bodybuilder) and it hit me by surprise and I sat there in shock. I couldn't tell if I liked it and I got freaked out and kept wondering if something was going on down below. I don't know if this was related to my worrying prior. But could I have had a realization that I like men's butts at the age of 20? It feels a little late to have never noticed before (men's butts always appear in straight porn).

I don't know what I like or dislike anymore. :C

People keep asking, "why are you afraid of being bisexual"? They just don't get it...

Yeah. That it's not rational. However much "evidence" HOCD tries to amass. From outside it just doesn't have the same anxiety attached. I don't know for sure. But I'd guess it's like saying to a person with depression. "Cheer up." Or a person with hypochondria "You're fine. Stop googling diseases." Totally missing the point.

I bet if I didn't have ocd and never took that stupid class, I wouldn't be here right now. The thought of being bisexual would have never come up.

I'm curious as to what you think about that class I took and what happened to me in the previous post?

Also, thank you for being so patient with me. Other people have called me annoying.