Pure O and spontaneous / impulsive actions?

Hey everyone, a little background first. I have purely obessional OCD mostly worrying that I did something awful in my past to people or that I will do something bad, or that my actions are evil in motive. It's usually fear that is sexual in nature. This has, in the past year or so, turned into physical avoidance. If I am walking down the street I will physically avoid people so that I do not so much as even brush against them. As you can imagine this is a near impossible task when streets are crowded. If I do bump itno anyone I suddenly wonder "Did I purposely do that? Did I do that because they looked really young? Did I do it because they were a kid? Was it sexually motivated?" -- Here's the thing, I know I am not sexually interested in these people but I severely worry I am (that's the OCD). I know this sounds OCD normal so far. The reason I am posting about this is because of some more confusing events. Here's an example: I'm walking down the street approaching a woman who is about to pass by me, close to me. I get my anxious feelings, my head is going "WARNING AVOID AVOID AVOID" and my body is telling me to get out of the way because it has been conditioned to feel that way at this point. But as I pass by I might suddenly PURPOSELY brush into her, maybe just my coat brushing past hers. Despite everyhting in me saying "Get away!" I suddenly do the opposite purposely. Is that a normal OCD thing? This has tortured me for hours on end, analyzing why I suddenly did this thing I knew I did not want to do. A friend with Purely obsessional OCD assured me it's normal and just part of the neuroses and OCD going on in me, but I wanted to see if anyone else could relate maybe?

Also I'm VERY familiar with the "Don't think of a pink elephant, now what are you thinking of? A pink elephant." idea but this is physical. Anyone?

Just bumping this... hoping someone can offer some insight...

yeah from what you've described above, it's definitely normal and common in those afflicted with OCD. but sadly, the more you avoid and the more you analyze, the worse things get

i'm sorry for your pain jtm3333, are you receiving any kind of treatment for your OCD?

Torrent wrote:yeah from what you've described above, it's definitely normal and common in those afflicted with OCD. but sadly, the more you avoid and the more you analyze, the worse things get

i'm sorry for your pain jtm3333, are you receiving any kind of treatment for your OCD?

You mean it's common for someone to purposely say bump into a person after purposely avoiding them? That's the issue there. I've had OCD for 14 years but the physical issues are recent. I can't make heads or tails of why I'd suddenly/impulsively bump into a person or brush against them when I didn't want to do that at all a split second prior.


I see a therapist every other week and have been considering medication due to the physical issues becoming intensely stressful.

yes, it's not uncommon. i'm not really sure but it sounds to me like you're unconsciously performing compulsion (checking) but actually, maybe you don't want to do so. you didn't purposely do that. but as i said, the more you analyze, the more you think you did it intentionally, imo.

oh ic, i'm glad you're on treatment. perhaps you can speak to your therapist as well

Torrent wrote:yes, it's not uncommon. i'm not really sure but it sounds to me like you're unconsciously performing compulsion (checking) but actually, maybe you don't want to do so. you didn't purposely do that. but as i said, the more you analyze, the more you think you did it intentionally, imo.

oh ic, i'm glad you're on treatment. perhaps you can speak to your therapist as well

Yeah, the case in question was that I was on a train on my way home from work. I was standing up near the doors and I was facing the aisle since the seats were full. There was also a guy behind me. As people passed in front of me to get off to the train I realized people would hit my bag so I pulled it back to avoid them brushing against it so I would not obsess about it.

As I did that I then began to just pull it to my side entirely (it was a shoulder laptop bag) - but either before i pulled it aside or as i pulled it aside the thought occurred to me "careful, there's a guy behind you, it might hit his crotch with your bag at this level" and as I pulled it back it occurred to me again and as i jerked the bag back i suddenly put a little more force into it at the end as if to purposely make sure I hit the guy.

I've replayed it a thousand times and I can't fathom why I did it. Even worse is that it turns out it was a highschool kid, had to be 16 or 17 (I am 28). While I'm not attracted to men or minors, I freaked out even worse.

Regardless, I am upset because i cannot fathom why I suddenly, purposely, did this thing I had a great anxiety about and wanted to avoid.

It's a tiny thing. OCD has made me do that kind of thing often. Don't worry about it, it's a tiny, tiny thing.

I'm very happy you made this post. Yes, it is definitely a part of ocd, I know because I do those kinds of things too. Unfortunately there's no magic thing you can do to make the anxiety go away, try to accept the fact that don't know and realize you've done nothing harmful.