OCD about my car

I have major OCD and intrusive thoughts. I have never been officially diagnosed but I know I have it. I've had OCD, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and major compulsions since I was a young child.

OCD makes me feel like I have to treat life like a game of chess; I continually second-guess myself and try to anticipate what others will do. I'll give an example in a bit.

OCD infiltrates every area of my life and I also have major OCD about my car. I want it as flawless as possible without any dents, scratches, nicks, etc. I bought my current car used, so it already had a few scratches on it. That didn't bother me because I didn't put them there. I just can't deal with knowing scratches or dents or nicks happened on MY watch. I park far away from other people, I hate parallel parking because I don't want others to bump my car, I make sure my car is equidistant in the parking space (I have the same amount of space on both sides of the car), I make sure I don't pull too close to the front of the parking space just in case a car parks in front of me and goes over the line, I make sure I leave some space in the back so cars driving behind me won't hit me, I lock my car many times before walking away, and then I spend a lot of my day worrying, regretting, and wishing I had done things differently. I just can't win: If I lock the car once, then I spend my day worrying that I didn't lock it at all. If I lock it several times, then I spend the day worrying that someone saw me and thought I was weird or that the repeated locks attracted attention and someone will vandalize my car.

Today, I went to an event and had to park my car in front of his maintenance garage. It had a main door and two garage doors. The average person would just park their car and not think twice. But my thought process was much more complex: "What if I get towed? What if someone needs to access the garage or go in and out of the door? What if they need to remove a tractor or something? I need to make sure I don't park directly in front of the garage doors or front door, then. I need to have enough space between the back of my car and the doors in case workers need to enter and exit. But I can't pull too far ahead because I can't obstruct the main roadway." So I parked my car where I felt comfortable and then realized that I had an average-sized amount of space between my car and this fenced-off area that held some pipes and other utilities. I wanted to park close to it but I didn't want to get ticketed for being too close to a fenced-off area. I thought someone would try to squeeze their car into that space (you know there's always that one idiot) but I thought "Nah, that won't happen." After the event was over, I noticed a small pick-up truck did squeeze into that space. I was immediately filled with anxiety and regret. The driver was still in the truck so I couldn't spend time checking out my car because that would've looked really weird. So I just squeezed into my car and left. I had intrusive thoughts the whole way home: "Did they get out of their truck yet? Were they returning like you? Or did they just pull in? If they just pulled in, then they didn't get out yet and you don't have to worry that he hit your car with his door. But if they were returning from the end of the event, then he might have hit your car earlier when he first arrived. He had a crappy truck so he probably didn't care if he hit your car or not. You should've parked closer to the fenced-off area to prevent someone trying to squeeze into that spot. Why would you think you'd get towed or ticketed? It's the afternoon on a weekend; there aren't any maintenance employees trying to access that garage. You overthink too much. A normal person would've parked and left, giving no thought to being in front of the door or garage door or close to the fenced-off area. You did all that thinking and strategy just to have another car squeeze in right next to you. All the things you prepared for never happened. But the one thing you dismissed happened. This happens every time. Why haven't you learned by now? There's always an idiot who tries to squeeze into a spot. People are lazy and want to walk the shortest distance. They aren't like you, who prefers to park far away." And on and on it went. Not to mention, when I was leaving the area I was driving up a narrow roadway and other cars were coming in the opposite direction. They were big SUV's and I had to pull over to the very side of the road to prevent them from hitting me. I started to get anxiety that I hit my car against cars that were parked off the road and I started to regret not going the other way. I started to get angry at myself for not knowing to go the other way out of the parking lot. I just assumed that I made the mistake. I saw other cars going my direction so I thought I was correct and I thought it was a one-way. But after the other cars came toward me, I assumed I made the mistake.

Then, I got home and started checking out my car for new scratches or dents. I found a few small nicks that I couldn't remember if they were new or old. I think I've seen them before but I couldn't be sure. Then I was worried that I wasn't seeing things clearly since it was getting dark. Then people were around me so I got nervous and embarrassed so I sped up the process of checking my car as to not look like a total weirdo. I didn't see anything major but I was worried that I didn't check everywhere and that I missed something. I started to replay the whole scenario again and beat myself up over not parking differently from the very beginning. If I had only parked closer to the fenced-off area, then none of this would have happened. There wouldn't have been space for someone to try and squeeze in.

You can see how this anxiety affects me. I could barely enjoy the event I was there for because I was worried sick about my car. I wanted to go back and move it but I didn't want to look weird. It's a Catch-22: damned if I do, damned if I don't. Having OCD prevents me from enjoying anything anymore. I get caught up trying to anticipate the moves of everyone around me that I miss out on life. For example, I'm so worried about how others will park their cars that I spend so much time parking my car in the best way possible as to withstand as many parking possibilities from other drivers.

It's an awful way to live. I wish I could just be normal, park my car, and walk away from it. But I can't. The intrusive thoughts I get are crippling. I have OCD about many other things but the car is a big one.

Can anyone relate?

Hi just to check if you have managed to overcome this problem?

Yes I can relate everybit!!! elephant 2014 .its as if thought u have read my mind wow! i have very severe car ocd .i do worry about all the things u ve said and more.I do the exact parking rituals too.I love cars ,but my ocd, its taking all that away ! I fear to go in my car thinking what might happen or come up ,but i have to sometimes and start having lot of fear and anxiety.I fear a lot that i might lose control if something happens! I pray to God my OCD is cured!

I know its a long time since uve written but how u feeling about it now? would like to hear from you since i face the same issue just the way u described !