HOCD i think

well im a 22 year old male. I was attracted to girls all my life, i remember in kinder garden that i used to like girls,my first crush was in the first grade on a girl in my class. my problems all started when i talked with gay guy and i asked how people treated him and what problems does he face and stuff like that. Then i was scared that if this happens to me what would i do, what would i tell my parents i was so scared that i shook in my bed that night. after that i started to fear becoming gay and what would happen....so i started to masturbate to prove that im not gay and not attracted to males.My anxiety levels were high i kept talking to girls to prove to myself that i wasn't gay...i watched gay porn and looked at penises and thought about gay fantasies but i didn't even got hard and i didn't even like it at all....yet the idea that im gay continues to haunt me...i keep checking if i am attracted to this guy or that guy and even my friends and even my best friends i fear that im attracted to them and try to picture myself with them and masturbate and i dont get hard at ALL. After this hocd started i would question am i attracted to my best friend and i would check and nothing occurs...im reallly tired...i live in a country where gay guys are not really welcomed nor the idea of therapy is...no hocd specialist is even available here (i dont want to be gay or even bisexual) i dont know what to do and i have suicidal thoughts.

hello Jack.

i'm sorry you're going through this. if you look into other threads, you will find that others have the same symptoms like you.

and the most important thing.

stop checking. stop watching porn, stop masturbating. because it will confuse your mind. even heterosexual man also watch gay porn, so in other words, you can't prove you aren't gay by watching gay porn.

and you have to remember that ocd won't against your nature. ocd cannot make you to become a gay.

hope you feel better soon... you will get past this

You are freaking out for absolutely no reason at all. You are not attracted to men, you are attracted to women, which means you are heterosexual. I know that my reassurance probably won't mean a thing to you, because that's just how OCD is. I would advise you, however, to quit all porn, and stop checking for reactions of any sort, cause all checking just keeps the cycle going. End it now, while you're ahead. Distract yourself with whatever you find comfortable doing, and don't give in into checking.
Good luck!