All my pocd worries

I've posted on here before about pocd, but I wanted to make this to get every I've ever had about it out of the way by writing about them, writing about it is the only thing that makes me feel better, my pocd started early this summer, and ever since I've been doing everything I can to prove to myself I am not one, but my mind finds new reasons every time to fight back with me, I've been feeling very bad about this, and have felt like I can't enjoy myself normally, and I am living a lie, the thoughts are very repetitive, and I feel like I follow a ritual of trying to convince myself I'm not one. These are all the thoughts and memories that spike my pocd, first I have a memory (around 12 years old) of me playing with my little cousin, while playing around I rubbed against him, and I thought to myself " I could hump him" right after this I remembering feeling aweful and thinking "he's my cousin and a kid that's so messed up" i feel like that was more couriosity and I wasn't attracted but I feel so worried. Second, I remember being 14, and saw a girl who was wayy younger then me, and I remember thinking " am I attracted to that", then I did a comparison to her and an older girl and decide the older girl was better, although I felt fine after, thinking to it now makes me feel like I had to be attracted to the person to think this way. Third, when I was 15 I remember thinking that two 12 year olds were attractive in a movie, but at the time I wasn't thinking about the age, and I'm not sure if I knew they were 12. I may want to add that I've had OCD thoughts in the past, like hocd, and thinking I'm fat, or dyformed, but this is the worst and I have cried about it before, and I check forums and other pocd stories constantly to find out the truth about myself, I'm so scared.

I guess I should also list the reasons I think I'm not a pedo, first I've Been attracted to boobs since I was 3 and found a porn magazine. Two I've watched normal porn since I was 11, I would get easily aroused by sexual things on tv, and I spent a lot of time looking at porn at a young age. Three I've had normal relationships with a few girls I really felt in love with, i also recall checking out girls in high school and feeling aroused, and had fantasies about some frequently. I've never had fantasies or urges involving kids, I feel like I never noticed kids at all really until the pocd, but that's where my worries come in to nitpick at memories.

I'm still obsessing everyday about all this going over my thoughts again and again. I now remember a time when I was 4 and I was slightly molested by a kid older then me, I never really felt traumatized about it, or felt anything, but now I'm scared because I read somewhere that for some cases people could of been molested or raped as a kid, and can psychologically mess them up and make them a pedophile in the future, now I'm scared. My mind constantly won't stop with finding fears of reasons I could be a pedophile, people say that it can't be POCD and pediphilia at the same time, but I'm scared I have both