I'm losing it with OCD, PLEASE HELP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

i have been diagnosed with ocd, thing is every obsession I get feels so real.

Recently I have this obsession I just can't get over, I think I'm a sociopath and it's driving me mad. I can't rest. Everytime I hear a tragedy I get so anxious, I wonder do I like this? Do I want people to suffer? I've been overanalysing so much that now when I hear something sad my mind will automatically feel bad, but then it will go completely blank and the fear kicks in, do I like this? I CANT FEEL ANYMORE and all I feel is this unbearable pain and GUILT.

My mum has a incurable disease that can be managed with medication, I hate seeing her in pain and want her to live without this suffering, I really want her to find a medicine that will let her live in peace. But i have these intrusive feelings that I don't want her disease to go away, but then how can I want her to get better but not want the disease to go away?! I feel so confused and bad, I don't want to be near her due to the guilt. I used to be so caring and loving, I even wanted to help people by being a doctor. Now I feel like I don't deserve to be a doctor or help people because I'm a sick human being. Is this OCD? Or am I kidding myself?

You know sociopaths don't have the capacity to feel this kind of worry about their lack of compassion, and deep down that you are not one. But reassuring you will only feed the obsessions. Are you seeing a therapist? Exposure therapy, facing your fear, and CBT techniques will help you with this. Don't waste your life to OCD. Take responsibility for your mental health and get some good quality treatment. You aren't alone, I can assure you of that.

elfie24 wrote:You know sociopaths don't have the capacity to feel this kind of worry about their lack of compassion, and deep down that you are not one. But reassuring you will only feed the obsessions. Are you seeing a therapist? Exposure therapy, facing your fear, and CBT techniques will help you with this. Don't waste your life to OCD. Take responsibility for your mental health and get some good quality treatment. You aren't alone, I can assure you of that.

I can't afford a therapist, so I do really feel alone. I just feel so confused and don't know what's real. Like recently I was telling my friends how it's terrible how some people commit suicide because of the way people treat them. My friends disagreed and I felt so shocked at their responses I had this uncontrollable urge to laugh, I felt so uneasy and confused. Then I started thinking why do I want to laugh? Am I a horrible person or is this out of shock? Like I said, I don't know what's real anymore. I feel like ocd is taking over my life at this point.

Yes I understand. OCD can blur the lines between reality and 'OCD reality', and it is frightening. But you seem to recognise that it is fear that fuels this. OCD creates false evidence and plays off of our fears and anxieties. I have a bad habit of saying inappropriate things at really inappropriate times, for example. My friend lost his dog for a while and he got all worried about it, and I made a joke saying 'well at least it wasn't a child you lost.' We all giggled and he found his dog, and yes it was mean and I did laugh and it was also a bit of a nervous impulsive joke in an inappropriate situation. But I didn't obsess about whether this made me an evil sociopath. I could have, but I didn't. Because obsessing about something never ever gets you an answer. That is one of the most important things you should know. No matter what, obsessive rumination and analyzing will only screw your mind up more and confuse you, you can do it for years and still never come to an answer. That's just the way it works. (believe me, Ive tried and so have thousands of others). If you can't afford a therapist, try some online CBT and ERP courses. There are workbooks too. Do anything you can to get the help you need, because OCD can take over your life. If you nip this in the bud as much as possible, you will avoid losing it all and then having to rebuild it back up again.

elfie24 wrote:Yes I understand. OCD can blur the lines between reality and 'OCD reality', and it is frightening. But you seem to recognise that it is fear that fuels this. OCD creates false evidence and plays off of our fears and anxieties. I have a bad habit of saying inappropriate things at really inappropriate times, for example. My friend lost his dog for a while and he got all worried about it, and I made a joke saying 'well at least it wasn't a child you lost.' We all giggled and he found his dog, and yes it was mean and I did laugh and it was also a bit of a nervous impulsive joke in an inappropriate situation. But I didn't obsess about whether this made me an evil sociopath. I could have, but I didn't. Because obsessing about something never ever gets you an answer. That is one of the most important things you should know. No matter what, obsessive rumination and analyzing will only screw your mind up more and confuse you, you can do it for years and still never come to an answer. That's just the way it works. (believe me, Ive tried and so have thousands of others). If you can't afford a therapist, try some online CBT and ERP courses. There are workbooks too. Do anything you can to get the help you need, because OCD can take over your life. If you nip this in the bud as much as possible, you will avoid losing it all and then having to rebuild it back up again.

Thank you for your help, I'll try to accept this as ocd and get on with my life. Did cbt work for you?

No problem. An the key thing is not to focus so much on the fact it is OCD either. If you keep repeating that to yourself, your brain will come up with reasons why it thinks it isnt OCD. So you have to learn through CBT not to label the thoughts as good or bad, or OCD, or anything. Just let it be and live with the doubt. Yes CBT was the only thing that worked in the past, I had a huge relapse a few months ago because I stupidly thought I could handle it myself. I felt better and fell into the trap of thinking it had 'gone.' But OCD is not curable, you have to learn to manage it consistently through CBT methods, and for many if they continue doing this and not falling back into previous thought patterns, it wont bother you. You will still have intrusive thoughts, because everyone on the planet has them. But you wont react to them in the way you are now. Best of luck

This will help you:

obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html
obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html

Sunflower seeds, especially raw, appear to help me. Also, find the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz.

It is OCD. The trick is realizing that a bad person would not have given any thought to the way they were. You love your mother. OCD causes intrusive thoughts AND emotions! It can make you feel really really evil and you can still be very kind.

elfie24 wrote:You know sociopaths don't have the capacity to feel this kind of worry about their lack of compassion, and deep down that you are not one. But reassuring you will only feed the obsessions. Are you seeing a therapist? Exposure therapy, facing your fear, and CBT techniques will help you with this. Don't waste your life to OCD. Take responsibility for your mental health and get some good quality treatment. You aren't alone, I can assure you of that.

What they said is true. True sociopaths don't feel remorse or guilt about their thoughts or actions and find true pleasure out of it. Your anxiety and guilt shows that isn't who you are or how you feel. Look up the criteria for sociopaths and you'll see. Also, knowing that you're just having thoughts and afraid you'll do this actually helps you ironically do the opposite. Your fear of these actions will prevent you from committing them.