Not sure if OCD. Obssessing about love interests.

I have not been officially diagnosed. I can't afford therapy at the moment. But I have a strong feeling I do have an obsessive disorder. As I'm getting older it's seeming to get worse. It is gotten to a point that is manifesting in physical sickness and inability to function. As in, I don't want to leave my room in fear that something might happen and I might break down in front of people. I am mad at myself how ridiculous I am for these absolutely stupid thoughts and yet, I can't make them stop. The topic called "Pure-O? HOCD? READ ME. by Wince" was an eye opener. I truly appreciate people like Wince taking the time to give some people like myself some sort of a place to connect to and make us feel like we are not alone.
These thoughts are embarrassing and I can't even talk to people about them. I seem on the outside so put together and that I don't have anything to worry about. And I sugar coat and even lie sometimes about scenarios as to not look stupid. My real and "sensible" feelings are now starting to meld together and I'm not sure what to share and what not to share so as to not be deemed a whack job. I have come here since it is a place that others will understand even though the subject in itself might seem so silly or minute or a "get over it" situation in the "real" world. I have tried to get over things. And I eventually do. But in the mean time, I'm loosing hair, getting ulcers, and truly just being a depressed person. When that one obsession finally fades away, then it is replaced by another one. And the cycle starts again.

You've all heard this before I am sure. I'm just giving some thoughts and background on my situation. Now to the present source of the issue.

I met a guy last November. I've been obsessed about him since. Checking my phone an obscene amount of times a day, and just really constantly thinking about him. Now, mind you, there was only a couple of dates involved since and we really aren't "together". It looks like he is too busy for me. And I have known that it would not work 2 months into knowing him. But here I am, almost 7 months later and still doing the same thing. It is almost like there is no other guy in this universe besides him. I didn't even want to look at other guys. So my heart went dull and I was beginning a better and a more peaceful life and putting him in the background until, I had a date with this new guy. He pretty much swept me off my feet on this date and how handsome and adorable he was. Well, after we had such a great time, he has yet to call to ask for another date. Now, the previous guy, I almost dislike him. I do not think of him any more and even felt annoyed that he texted me since this new date happened. So I went from obbsessing over him to being annoyed that he called me. I am now obsessing over this new guy. Looking at my phone constantly etc. Thinking of all the things I might have done wrong on the date or not. I am sick to my stomach and annoyed by every human being that passes me. I am physically in pain and I feel so ashamed. I feel like a big moron for feeling this way for something like this. I feel these feelings over guys I like. I have had plenty of relationships in the past that have ended and I didn't feel the same way. There are certain ones that I feel like I have a big connection with the guy for some reason that make me feel this way.

This is the most recent scenario. I have had similar scenarios in the past (not only with guys). And they eventually fade away ( months and months later or even year or more). Again, I am trying to find a way to minimize the impact that these feelings have on me while they are happening. I will be reading the "Pure-O? HOCD? READ ME. by Wince" thread a few more times since it really really helped me make sense of some things. It was almost like it was written for me. I will also watch some videos that were recommended.

Now, before someone suggests I have some sort of a realtionship/abandonment issue or some other behavior than obssessive, I have to remind you that this is just one of my many other obssesions I have besides guys that work pretty much exactly like what I described above except the subject is not "guys". This is just this immediate scenario and I wanted to share it while it was fresh in my mind.

With this post, I hope to maybe get input of others that might have gone thru similar situations and anything that might have helped them minimize the pain associated.

Sorry for the blog . And thank you for reading.

To give some update. I have resorted to researching this new guy on the internet .. his ex wife, his background. Looking up his extended family. God this is so embarrasing and hedious. i feel so completely like a looser. I'm not sure what my brain thinks it will get out of this besides give me more anxiety and my ulcer is completely F'ed up at the moment. I have been trying to do the accepting the "spikes" and moving on strategy and surprisingly it works someitmes. but then these thoughts keep coming at me like an unstopable flood, over and over and over and over. i think since this accepting the spike thing works.. and i'm new to it, i'm hoping that in time it will get easier.