Anyone else feel this way?

My ex of 10 years knew all of my WEIRD ocd Pure O fears and so do my parents. My whole life I have had pure O ocd but am currently dealing with my 3rd true spike that is causing all the things that come with it. Depression, fear, ANXIETY, what if questions, self loathing, etc...

So, me and my ex broke up close to a year or so ago and I had my ups and downs about it but ultimately it was me who kept the break up going. When I spike she is one of the few people I need to be around. I feel like my family has to be there for me, but she chooses to be there for me. or did I should say.

I have this fear now of never meeting a girl who will understand my OCD and Anxieties and even more so I dont think I would feel comfortable to tell them about it.

So I am afraid of what is going to happen to me now. Like am I just going to be by myself for the rest of my life. God forbid years down the line when my parents pass away I wont have anyone to lean on when I get my terrible thoughts and begin to spike. Right now I can lean on them and it helps immensely. But I am afraid what would happen if I had no one to turn to. And by this I mean people who genuinely care about me and know me enough to know I am a good person and can reassure me of it.

I know ultimately I need to be strong and deal with this by myself since I am my own person and I shouldnt have to rely on other people.

Problem is that I want my ex back so bad now, because she was perfect for me and she loved me in spite of this. But after so long being a part I know she wouldnt take me back and even more so I have been with other girls since her and I dont think she would get over that. They were mistakes and meant nothing, but she will not understand and my OCD guilt will make me tell her about it.

I just feel like this is never going to pass and I made a horrible life decision when we broke up. I dont know. I am just afraid of having this illness for the rest of my life and having to go at it alone.

Anyone else feel this way?

Some of this I can relate and other parts I am confused by. Like you I was worried that OCD would never go away or that when my parents passed away I wouldn't have anyone to lean on. In fact, I once told a friend that I had to find someone to love before my parents die because I'll be a mess.

Anyway, my Dad passed away last year, and I nearly lost my mother a few months ago. I only had myself to rely on, and I was fine.

For me, my OCD had little to do with the idea of coping regarding my parents passing. My fears were more based on depression, insecurity and other things. But in the years since my first worries, I started down a road of healing the depression, psych problems and OCD, as well as other things.

OCD is very treatable if one is willing to do the work. It may seem like an impossibility to you now, but you can get this under control, find a woman to be with and find the strength to deal with the time when your parents are no longer with us.

For me, it was more than OCD. Yes, OCD can be the cause of depression, a certain kind of self loathing, but it is also possible that things like depression, insecurity and self loathing as well as other psychological issues can exist on their own, and made worse by anxiety.

good luck - Otter.