My HOCD makes me want to die

I've been thinking about that guy that makes me spike a lot. I'm very scared that I'm actually attracted to him. I tried masturbating to him and I kind of got turned on. About as turned on as I get by girls. Im hoping this is just a groinal repsonse. I really don't want to be bisexual. If I'm bisexual I'm scared that no girl will ever date me and I'll be forced to date only guys.

masturbating is going to yield a groinal response, so impossible to know the truth by "checking" that way.

Oh man, I see you got it bad. Look, read these two articles. Do what they suggest. That's how you beat this stuff. It's not easy but it's the only way without pills. obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html
obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html


You need to stop checking, stop asking, stop googling, stop trying to reason with it or prove it wrong, and if you are bothered by stuff like 'you are ignoring me because you are gay', you're doing it wrong. The idea is to declare you don't care anymore, decide it, and mean it. Accepting all ramifications and consequences, declaring them irrelevant, and not allowing bad motivations to be placed on your reasons. You are accepting the possibility (which there really isn't), and declaring that you aren't going to deal with it, whether you think it's got a good point or not.

OCD does not listen to logic. Period. End of story. No truth was ever, ever revealed via a Pure-O obsession.

Sometimes my HOCD goes away, but it always comes back with a vengeance. I talk a lot about my Pure-O obsessions with my counselor. She thinks I'm attracted to that guy. Part of me thinks that I am actually attracted to him, but part of me thinks it's just another HOCD incident.

Same with my other Pure-O obsessions. I used to have this horrible obsession with my glasses prescription. It went away for a while. It returned recently because my glasses prescription changed.

Well 1st quit going to counselor he or she is a idiot... yes you have it bad... great news your talking to someone that has went through the EXACT same type of ocd as you do... your not gay man... you will see a light at the end of the tunnel.. pm me if u need to talk

Agreed. Pure-O is a rare form of OCD, and counselors are not well trained in what Pure-O is and how it works, so her thinking you are attracted is not surprising at all. That kind of talk therapy is useless for OCD, but if you can find someone worth talking to who can understand (as I did) it helps just to have someone to speak to, trust me. Just don't expect the OCD to get better from it. Look into CBT for OCD if you can't follow the advice. You can follow it, but I'd have to probably grab you by the shoulders and shake you over and over until you accepted the advice.