ROCD, is this cheating????

Hi guys it's me again.

I recently just got through my HOCD, after going through this and Harm OCD! It is a huge accomplishment. But literally right as I got through it, my ROCD started to act up.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating two years. I love him very much (in a non, naive teenager way) and I wish to have a life with him. I'm so committed to him. I would never consider even the thought leaving him, neither would he to me. Things have been tough lately since my HOCD started full fledged, making me question EVERYTHING, leaving me numb inside.

About a year ago (October 2013), I went to my friends homecoming. He couldn't go with me, so I was alone. I have a large group of friends who all went. This one boy who i'm friends with who is apart of the group, who I thought was funny and wanted to hang around with him, since everyone else bored me, seemed to have a bit of a crush on me. I am not gonna lie, I am an attention fiend. I just have low self esteem and love when someone actually notices me. We all walked home in the cold at 10pm at night and he even gave me his jacket to borrow, and wearing a short dress I couldn't refuse. But I had NO feelings or interest in him.

We all had a sleep over after homecoming. I didn't want to sleep on the floor, so I decided to sleep on my friends very small bed. He slept on it too, right next to me. I was uncomfortable. He let out his arm, and I guess we cuddled--but not really, I didn't want to get close to him. I literally just laid my head on the end of his arm. That was it. After that I ended up turning my back to him.

I felt SO guilty from the start of it all. I was texting my boyfriend the entire time this was happening. The kid even knew I had a boyfriend I was committed to. I had my boyfriend come over the next day and I held him close to me. I felt so upset and guilty at the time from what I remember.

Almost a year later this has come back to haunt me with the ROCD. I remember my boyfriend saying he would never leave me unless I cheated. I feel like I cheated on him doing this. I meant nothing by it. I feel like such a horrible, awful person, and this will not stop taunting me. I can not easily let this go. I feel so incredibly guilty at the moment, I can't even explain it. I want to cry my eyes out. I think I really did cheat on him....i'm so afraid. But then again I don't know if this is my OCD blowing it out of proportion. But I know deep down I do not deserve my boyfriend at all.

What do you think? Please don't think badly of me. I truly do love my boyfriend.

Listen. this is ROCD only. You need to decide you aren't going to worry about this stuff at all despite the crap the OCD will tell you including the guilt. It will use intense fear, severe, horrible feeling guilt trips, etc to try and make you start playing the OCD's game again. If you give in, nothing awaits but pain. You aren't a bad person for following these instructions. Remember that.

This explains it better: obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html

Also this is helpful: obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html