Is this homosexual OCD?

Hi! As a little background information, I'm high school-aged, and I've been suffering with OCD since around age 5. The topics have almost always been consistent in its themes, as it normally surrounds a fear of hurting myself and a fear of losing control/going crazy/being considered "weird" or "mentally ill". Recently, I've been having some other issues. My fear of hurting myself has mostly subsided, but now I find that a new theme has emerged- and it surrounds my sexual orientation. I remember back in 6th grade, I got some nasty images and intrusive thoughts having to do with kissing my friends, and it disgusted me for a week or so, but I soon brushed it off and didn't overthink it, as I was so young. (In sixth grade, I was also getting intrusive thoughts about being afraid of killing/hurting myself as well.) I don't know what sparked it, but recently I've been really scared that I'm a lesbian. I've been having thoughts that tell me I'm attracted to girls, and every time I have one of those thoughts, I get a shiver through my body, it's a really weird rush, and I think it's anxiety. I'll think of a boy that I think is cute, and then I get a thought that says "You're not into boys, you're into girls" and I hate it so much. I then examine all my behaviors and see if any of them are indicitave of me not liking boys.There's no way I can talk to my therapist or parents about this, as I don't want to say it out loud because I don't want it to be reality. I want to be straight and have no issues like this! It's even worse because my dad is really against gays as he's very conservative, and I'm very conservative too, so I really can't have this happen to me. I'm even more scared, as at my age, people normally start to figure out their sexuality, and I'm scared that mine is changing. Every time I get an intrusive thought that suggests that I'm lesbian, I always follow it up with "No, no I'm not, there's no way" but I'm really scared that the thoughts are real. I keep doubting myself over whether or not it's just OCD, and it's really scaring me and making me uncomfortable. I find girls pretty, but I would never want to be in a relationship with one. Is it bad that I think some girls are pretty? I don't think it in a "wow I wish I could date them" way, it's definitely not like that. Please help me, I've been talking to guys but it actually sparks my OCD so it makes it really hard to get into a relationship with a guy, as it brings on a lot of anxious thoughts for me. Please help, is this OCD or should I actually be worried about being a lesbian?

Hello,

This is a question that you're going to have to answer on your own and from what you've said fear is really the driving force here. It seems like fear is triggering the homosexual thoughts here and there is definitely a difference between a homosexual thought and desire IMO. Just because your having homosexual thoughts doesn't mean your homosexual.

It's not bad or a sign of homosexuality to find the same gender pretty or even cute. I would say most people do. Good luck figuring yourself out and try to see without fear.

Listen, this is just HOCD. You need to stop entertaining the thoughts, even if you feel like they are real, which you do. You probably feel gay and are really afraid, but this form of Pure-O usually does come with intrusive thoughts, emotions, and sexual stuff. This advice can help you. Both of these.

By Wince:
obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html
and mine:
obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html

@bendib, I found those both VERY helpful, thank you so much! Everyone else on other sites seemingly said that I could possibly be lesbian, and it escalated my anxiety even higher. So thank you for posting those, as I am sort of unfamiliar with HOCD (I'm more familiar with harm OCD) but it all makes sense now!