Maybe Pure-o pocd

Hi ! I just wanted to tell you my story. I'm Tristan and i'm currently in my teens

When i was a kid, my friends were only girls and i had never fallen in love with a girl. This didn't bother me at all because i was feeling good. Lately, when i was 13, i made lots of new friends, mostly boys so i was even more happy. But it all started between the age of 14-15 : i discovered i was gay. It took months to acept it but i was definitely sexually attracted to men and it was explaining a lot of things about my childhood. I finally accepted it but, however, i did not say it to anybody. One year later, i was questioning myself : Why have i never fallen in love with someone ? That was strange for my age ...
And then, a night i made a dream... One of my friend which i find sexy was making love with my little brother ... When i woke up, i didn't know what to think, i felt anxious for two days but then it left.
But two weeks ago it all started again, in worse. someday, i was thinking "don't worry, it's ocd you can cure it" and another day "you're a pedophile, your life is over you have to kill yourself".

I'm really in doubt... I am sexually attracted to men of my age an a bit older (til 30) that's for sure but what if i am more attracted to young boys ? this thing happens at the wrong moment because i wanted to do my coming out and now i'm not sure anymore ... sometimes,to be sure, when i'm masterbating on gay men i try to think quickly of a child but it does not help me at all ... it loses me more. Also, all my life there was my little brother and we were close but i never felt anything when i saw him aked so why would it happen now ?

I don't know what to do, i don't know what it is. I don't want to talk about it to anybody...

I just need someone to show me the way.

This is POCD, it's obviously POCD to me. The best thing you can do is stop checking.

Checking, asking for reassurance, googling, arguing with the OCD or rationalizing with the OCD is the *WORST* thing you can do! It *WILL* make the OCD *MUCH* worse!

Do not give it your attention!

Pure-O OCD is good at picking things that we would feel really guilty about not caring about, or stuff that we find is just too important not to care about. A good rule of thumb is this:

If what you are worrying about turns into Pure-O, you need to stop worrying about it.

It will tell you horrific tales of guilt, doom, and fear to try and convince you that all your fears are real, but it's lying, you've done nothing wrong, nothing bad will happen, and when the OCD goes away, you can always see this.

read this: obsessive-compulsive/topic144066.html

I take GABA, Valerian, Relora, and Dopa Mucuna supplements, and they make the OCD a bit less painful. Don't mix these with meds however, they can interact. Also Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water (not too strong) seems to help. Someone told me that once, so I tried it and sure enough it helps.

Meds can fix most of the OCD too, but not every med works for every person, although there is usually one med that can fix it almost completely for everyone.

Let me know if there is more I can do.