Relationship OCD

Hi everyone.

I've been suffering with OCD and anxiety in general for a long time now.
After I had a breakdown (almost 3 years ago) I took paroxetine and a benzo; i'm currently tappering it. This treatment seemed to help my ocd. I got more confident and no longer need to
double check everything (doors, water taps, you name it) or wash my hands as frequently.

Right now my problem is my relationship Me and my bf are together for almost 10 months now. In the beginning it seemed perfect: i longed to be with him, have sex with him, everything. After some time, maybe 4 or 5 months
I started to have doubts about it. Do I really love him?Are we meant to be?
But most of my questions are focused on him. Is he the right person for me? Am I really attracted to him? This makes me feel like a monster because he's a really great guy and I'm thinking all this stuff behind is back. I think a lot about the fact that I might be more attractive than him and this makes me sound so shallow, even to myself when I think about it. I hate it.

Does anyone else has this problem? How do you deal with it?

Thank You

hi,
i am glad the treatment has helped you to overcome your ocd. but yeah you can't get rid the OCD 100%, so it might changed theme. but don't worry, i think even for someone who doesn't have OCD, they may have the same issue, they often question themselves like you do. but sometimes you just have to turn off the conversation in your head, and distract yourself with something else, enjoy the time with your bf is also important, its easier said than done, of course it will be hard at first but it will retrain your brain over time.

and perhaps you can discuss it with your partner, tell him everything. maybe he can help you or you can share your concerns with mental-professional.

You are a good person for caring about this and not wanting to be shallow, but it's just OCD. Because it's OCD, don't feel bad since it's not really you. I bet a lot of that is intrusive thoughts that you have not yet caught.

Thank you Torrent and bendib, for your kind and wise words They're very important to me.

I guess it takes time but the guilt is the worst part, I believe. My bf is a wonderful guy and I just think he doesn't desserve my thoughts. Even though rationally I know i'm not to blame for them, I can't help but feel guilty

welcome blue_sookie, and don't feel guilty, its not your fault. i hope you will go through this like you did in the past ..

Some update...

I thought I was getting better (and, believe me, this forum helped me) but those doubts keep coming to my mind.
I sometimes question myself "Is this ROCD or am I just out of love?" , i don't Know. When I think of him being out of my life, I don't like the feeling. But, then again, what if I'm just afraid of being alone?

We've been physically apart these last weeks, due to his work. We talk everyday, all the time. Sometimes, like today, I feel like I don't want to talk to him. Or when he talks about being together again, kissing and all, I just want to ignore it.

To tell you the truth, the thought of being with him makes me panic. This is so not normal...

Last time we had sex I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have any pleasure. I did, I had a physical response to it. But penetration is always painful. I'm afraid it's also related to this ROCD.

This day is being a setback in my recovery

Well, this is just ROCD. You can deal with this stuff by not engaging the thoughts.

Even if it seems like it's got a really good point or that it's a valid fear, or it tells you something just really, really horrific, you need to ignore the thoughts, even if it seems like a valid fear, otherwise you will get stuck with OCD.

DO NOT LOOK FOR REASSURANCE OR PROOF, EVER!!! IF YOU HAVE COMPULSIONS, DO NOT DO WHATEVER COMPULSIONS THE OCD TELLS YOU. We both know it will tell you stuff like bad things will happen if you don't. Don't do what it says.

This is the advice that gave me my life back. Intrusive thoughts will fade as you do this.

More on this and other advice here: obsessive-compulsive/topic144944.html

I guess it's just a day at a time...

Thank so much for your words and encouragement

Hey im sorry that you're going through this! you should figure out a way to outgrow this!