This is ruining my life

Just had a very bad time. Got intimate with my bfand during masturbation I was getting intrusive thoughts. I always get intrusive during masturbationg but never during sex. The word kids flashed through my mind followed by a toddler doing things to me and I got more snd more aroused... then the image went away and I got turned off, so I kept testing mysekf with the image.. every time it came back I got aroused. It wasn't a clear image. Every time it came back I'd get aroused then I'd feel like I wanted to cry and now I feel really numb in the heart and really bad. :-/

Remember that POCD and HOCD can both create fake sex attractions. It will go away when the Pure-O does.