HOCD Returning?

I am an 18 year old male, and about 3 years ago I was dealing with HOCD. I went through about a year of hell dealing with it, but thankful my girlfriend at the time helped me deal with the horrible anxiety and emotional torment. Last year she and I broke up, and I took a big hit to my self-esteem, and I tore my acl and couldn't run cross country and play soccer so I picked up weight. I've always had an avoidant personality, but my ex really did help my self-esteem, but now I've fallen lower again, and regressed to my avoidant personality, and now that I've gained weight I feel like women won't find me attractive. Well I'll keep being honest too after the break up . I am afraid to find one of my friends attractive and has caused me anxiety. It isn't as bad as my first episode of HOCD back then when I was about 15-16 it kept me up at night and I couldn't deal with everyday life. Now It is just side worrying, and I've been able to deal with it better than the first time, but I am afraid to relapse again as bad as I use to now I'm afraid it will be worse because I don't have my ex gf. I just need some advice to how to deal with this because I don't really want to relapse.. I was finally finding my confidence again and becoming comfortable under my skin and happy to be going off to college, but now I'm afraid I will find one of my roommates attractive..I was afraid to watch normal porn or lesbian porn, because I would imagine my ex having sex with someone else that wasn't me so I started watching fetish porn, but now I feel like I've developed a tranny fetish, and that makes me think I am gay too, but I understand it is just porn, and doesn't reflect the acts I would do in real life, but it still worries me..please I just need some more advice..