Tired of this OCD

I'm not really sure where or how to begin this. I'm not sure how long I've actually had OCD, but it really started rearing its head when I was maybe 18/19 years old. I am now 22.

More lately I've been getting really, really depressed with where I'm at in my life. I often have suicidal thoughts. No plan or anything, so to speak, but the idea that life would be so much simpler and easier if I wasn't living it.

More specifically, I suffer from obsessive-thoughts and such. Words, numbers, images, etc., that I deem bad, I'm afraid to think. And of course, the harder I try and NOT think about it, the more prominent the thoughts are. I use "good" or "positive" thoughts or images to try and neutralize the thoughts if I accidentally think of a bad thought. In addition to this, I'm CONSTANTLY thinking these same good thoughts, 24/7, to prevent any bad thoughts from slipping in. My brain is literally on overload every waking moment because of this.

Another huge part of this is my love of technology. I love using my phone and computer, love playing video games, etc. My OCD is a HUGE hindrance for me with this. I remember when I was younger, just sitting down and enjoying a good RPG. But now, I cant do that. Every aspect, from character creation to using some random spell or attack, I'm always afraid I'll think a bad thought, and thus constantly thinking a good thought to prevent that. If I accidentally slip, then I'm SoL. I'll have to restart the game, redo that ability, rethink a good thought, restart my computer, etc. This makes something I LOVE doing a near impossible feat. Literally, all I want to do is just sit down, and enjoy a good video game without obsessing or constantly thinking.

I live by myself in an apartment which my parents pay for, because I can't live with them for fear of "magical contamination". It's difficult to describe exactly what I mean, but I'll try. Basically, its a type of contamination that makes sense only to me, and that only I'm afraid of. They aren't germs, but something associated with a bad memory. For example, if I'm afraid of a random piece of furniture, a chair, then not only do I not want to look at that chair, think about that chair, touch that chair, etc., but if anyone else touches that chair, then I can't touch them for fear of being "contaminated". In short, I can't live with my parents because of this. I'm very grateful and blessed to have parents that understand what I'm going through, and am very thankful that they provide me with somewhere else to live.
However, I find it very depressing being here. I'm all alone, in this small studio-size apartment. I don't have a job, and rarely ever get outside much. So more often than not, I'm stuck indoors all day. I hardly have any friends, so it makes going outside to do anything very difficult. Even if I had friends, no job=no income, which in turn doesnt exactly allow for doing much.

I usually sleep most of the day, because I know that trying to do any sort of activity will likely just lead to disappointment. I'm actually fearful of using my computer/playing a video game, because I think I'll muck it all up, lose myself in a storm of anxiety, and just end up giving up in the end. In short, my days are spent doing pretty much nothing.

I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for several years now (shes amazing), and tried almost every medication used to treat this aweful disease, but nothing has really helped me much. I even attended an out-patient treatment thing for several months at UCLA in california in 2012. It was amazing, and I learned A LOT. It's helped me sometimes, but more often than not, I cant seem to push through my fear, despite knowing what I learned there.

I'm sure I left several things out, but I dont want this to be TOO long. I'm probably lucky if anyone has taken the time to read it. Anyways, in short, all of this is really getting to me, and I just dont know what to do anymore. My future seems dim, and any goals or ambitions I have seem so far off, its almost impossible. I'm at a breaking point right now, and just want to give up. I honestly dont know what to do. Please, can anyone help me?

My only suggestion to you is to try ERP therapy as best you can. You don't have to completely stop doing rituals, but start with the small, less important ones, and just go as far as you can. If medication doesn't seem to work for you, I think that is the answer. Good luck.