White lies / contamination / you name it (sensitive sexual c

Arggghhhhhh. OCD people - I know you can relate to the sentiment.

Hey everyone - I wanted to talk about something that I'm going through right now and see if any of you could offer me any advice. Just a heads up - this gets prettyTMI and a bit gross, but please, stick with me. I apologize if this is the wrong space for this, but it's not really an intrusive thought, so I didn't want to put it in that section. Either way, here it is.

I've had absolutely terrible OCD since I was about 13 years old. Ever obsession you can imagine, I've probably had it. From violent or sexual intrusive thoughts, HOCD, POCD, counting, germs, etc. I've seen it all. My newest obsession - because this stuff comes in waves doesn't it? - is with scrupulous honesty, specifically with my girlfriend. I'm an honest person with everyone, but with my girlfriend I have an intense fear of being dishonest. Ever since she called me out on telling a few dumb white lies, I've been obsessed with being completely honest. I go back and analyze everything I've said throughout the day to verify it's absolute truth. Even hyperbole in jokes isn't allowed. She says "I missed you". I say "I missed you too". But what if I actually didn't?!?! Oh gawd, I start to freak out. Stuff like that. It's driving me insane.

Something happened yesterday that has been driving me up the wall and I'm seeking some advice. Now, I'm a hygienic person, but OCD has me convinced often that I'm unclean. I wash my hands after I touch a dish towel, the dog, a part of the kitchen counter that might be dirty, etc. . I constantly obsess over the passing "dirtiness" to my girlfriend.

Keep reading if you don't mind a bit of TMI:

So, yesterday I used the restroom (#2 - sorry I don't know of a less juvenile way to put it right now) at some point in the morning and when I was putting my pants back on, I might have touched my penis with the same hand that I had wiped with. Or, at least I think I did. I was very tidy about it and I immediately went to wash my hands (which I do with super hot water and tons of soap because I'm terrified of spreading germs), but I remember thinking "I need to remember to wash my penis later".

Later that evening, my girlfriend and I had intercourse but not before I had had a chance to wash. I felt kind of disgusting about it, even though I rationally I think I was clean enough. My OCD tells me that I wasn't and that I should feel bad about it. Part of me was thinking "just let it go, this is OCD". After intercourse, we took a shower together and I washed my penis twice. I remember her joking "you already washed that part" and I said something like "I didn't have a chance to shower today..". I added a second later, "...but that's not the only reason - sometimes things just get gross". She was fine with this, but I felt not only disgusting about the possibility of having transferred some dirtiness, but I felt like a liar because I said that the reason was that I hadn't showed that day. This dumb white lie (if it even was one) is killing me. I qualified it with the second part to try to explain, but not go into too much detail, but...

You get the point. I'm a mess sometimes. I'm sorry if this is too much detail, but I just feel terrible. Unclean, sinful, stupid, etc.