I don't even know ... so tired *trigger warning*

Questions:
- Do these sound like common OCD obsessions? The swallowing one in particular seems random and unrelated? I haven't heard of anyone else with that.
- When did your OCD start?
- What success have you had with ERP and medication?

My story:
I was just diagnosed with OCD/BDD this past Monday, after 20 years of waxing and waning obessessive/compulsive thoughts and behaviors. Throughout seeing different therapists for the past 15 years, I was always told I had general anxiety/depression. When I would try to explain that my anxiety wasn't general - it was very specific - I don't think I explained it very well, mainly because I was completely ashamed of what I was worried about.

My OCD/BDD has morphed over the years, progressively getting worse with each bout. So when I saw this new therapist on Monday, I decided to just tell him everything - every obessessive thought and compulsive behavior I'd ever had.

It started at age 9 with fear of my ears - every time I swallowed, I'd hear this crackling noise in my ears. I just noticed it randomnly one day, and immediately had what I guess was my first panic attack. I started crying and couldn't breathe, and when I told my dad what was wrong, he just looked confused and said his ears did that too, so why was I so upset? Even at age 9, I realized how irrational it sounded to say I was scared I was never going to "unhear" the crackle, and it would ruin my life, and make me go crazy and I would end up in an insane asylum or completely debilitated and stuck in my house forever. So I told him, "I don't know." Thus started the hiding my problem out of shame.

This fear went away, but then a couple years later I randomly had an image of stabbing my family. It kept repeating over and over, and I was physically sick thinking about how I was going to kill my family in the middle of the night while I was sleepwalking (I know, very logical, especially because I'd never sleepwalked in my life). Every night I would pin my hands to the bed and barricade my door so if I did sleepwalk, I would hopefully wake up when I couldn't get through the door. I would also set traps for myself so if I tried to open the door, something would fall on me and wake me up.

This went away, and then about 3 years later I developed what at the time was labeled anorexia. This persisted, then after 2 years of struggling with this, I was at the tail-end of beating it when I became terrified I was gay. This thought appeared in my brain and would not go away. I would constantly question if I felt attracted to women on TV, my friends, other girls at school. I was scared to have girls touch me, in case I felt an attraction.

This went away, and through college things were actually pretty good. Then came the skin obessession right after college. Constantly googling ways to fix my skin, being unable to look away from the mirror, constant mirror checking, buying all different skin products, using all different kinds of make-up, visiting multiple doctors and plastic surgeons, seeking reassurance that my skin looked okay. This ended with a suicide attempt where I felt even more shame and couldn't tell anyone why I had overdosed on medication - it would sound ridiculous. After a couple months, once I got out of the hospital, I got better.

Then I got married and was healthy for years, until last year when the skin obsession came back with a vengeance. Completely out of nowhere, and almost worse than it had been before. This persisted for 5 months before it dissipated. Then I was okay for 4 months, before a new obssession started - I hated how my eyes looked, and with that came the BDD checking, trying to fix, etc.

This brings me to a week ago, when the eye thing went away only to be replaced by - what else? - the original ear-crackling fear and the skin obsession. Two at one time this time.

So I am terrified right now. My stomach is in knots all day and I am struggling to not research all the different ways to "fix" my skin and ears. I just want to be well, more than anything. And I also feel like a complete idiot for not realizing sooner what I had.

For what its worth, Ive seen bodily sensations OCD before. It may not be the one you see most commonly, but it definitely exists. The rest sounds like BDD and OCD too.