HOCD/Bisexual OCD

Hi everyone I hope you're all doing well. Ok I guess I should explain myself first; I'm an 18yr old female currently in college. I've had OCD since maybe around age 6 that I can remember and problems with HOCD have arisen before but this time it feels more severe to the point where I think there's a chance I might be bi/bicurious. I know that it shouldn't matter and I really don't have anything against anyone's sexual preferences but you see my family is what I worry about most. I have nasty confession OCD where I feel like I have to admit everything to my mom who is VERY against the idea of same sex marriage or any relationships like that whatsoever. I know she'd most likely still love me even if it took years to forgive me if this is true but like I said I have no idea how they'd all act as a whole and am very afraid to tell her. Moving on with this horrible story, ever since I was young I've known that I've been attracted to guys (even having a crush on one for a few years). It wasn't until around 8th grade that I noticed anything. I am pretty sure they have been "girl crushes" (just wanting to be around them and be their friend) but sometimes I worry that I might actually be attracted to them. It's weird because around guys the feelings are strong so I know I'm attracted to them but with girls it's another feeling? Like "oh my gosh they're so cute and beautiful I just want to cuddle you." I've never been in a relationship so whenever I try to think "can I see myself with this person" regardless of gender my mind just comes up blank and confused to the point where I don't know HOW to see myself with anyone in the future. The thought of kissing and sex doesn't even make sense because my brain literally can't understand it since I've had no experience with either gender. I'm sorry if this sounds dumb and isn't helpful I'm just very scared right now. Please, I have no one to talk to about this I just want to move on. I think it's OCD but past "crushes" if I can even call them that have made me unsure....

Please someone I feel so horrible I've even looked up pictures of girls and I don't feel anything but it's just happened a few times with my friends I don't even think it's a desire to be with them but I don't know. I know what I feel around guys is real but I feel like if I really was bi I would have known by now but maybe I was suppressing it ahhhh I'm going crazy if I am my mom would kill me,,,,

Hey I'm a 25 year old male who has gone through something similar. My hocd came abouts on June 2013 after a nasty long term relationship ended and my rebound relationship turned into something then ended when she took a job.

Long story short I got a bit depressed then questioned myself by overthinking. I'm started to realize is it's just thoughts. I'm a bit down in the dumps as none of my current dates with women are working out too well in terms of finding a relationship. Tough out there and my hocd spikes a bit of "what if in not meant to be with a woman"

What I did was get calm and stopped overthinking and I noticed the naturalist of my sexual nature that I'm attracted to the opposite sex when I'm not "thinking too much into things".

You can try that. And honestly the whole "being 18 " and "not having a relationship" does not mean you are bisexual or gay. You are 18. Rarely people have relationships at that Age. I had gfs when I was 17-18 and 20. I wouldn't consider them anything other than flings. Long term relationship happened to me when I turned 22 and lasted a while.

If you fear being gay/bi and it makes you uncomfortable then I think it's an OCD case your are obsessing and doubting your attraction to the opposite sex. That could make a lot of people overthink things. Trust me I've been there. But I realized I never had any type of sexual attraction to the same sex until the what if thoughts came about. Then I remembered , when I was at a bar/club the one night , my friend from college who is gay , started rubbing up against some guy and they were grabbing each other and making out. I was disgusted at the scene and thought it was no where near appropriate nor natural to see that. That feeling doesn't suddenly change in the matter of a year from seeing that to go into questioning "what if".

It's just crazy thoughts of OCD and now hocd spiked. You will be fine. Just relax and might I say exercise. It releases anxiety and clears your head. I do it 6 times a week and feel better and my eyes can't be taken off the opposite sex.

Thank you <3 Really I wish I could say how much it means to me that you took the time to answer. I'm still not 100% sure but I think I'll just live my life and see how it goes. I guess only time can solve mysteries like this and I will definitely work out more to keep myself calm. Good luck to you as well!

I hit another spike again I've had a lot of girl crushes before in the past and I mean I even think girls are pretty and cute sometimes with how they act but I honestly can't see a future with one? This whole fear started because me and a girl online were talking and she said something sweet and I kinda blushed and thought "oh no what if I have a crush on her?" so I've been avoiding her. The idea of relationships doesn't even bug me or gross me out I just can't see myself in one. I've always liked guys and fantasized about getting asked out or going on dates. Sadly my sex drive is also extremely low because of this damned disorder so I don't feel much in urges but being around guys is a much stronger feeling. My main fear is how my mom would react if I really am bi I'm so scared all I want to do is call her and tell her how scared I am but she probably wouldn't understand. Am I bi or not I can't seem to stick with an answer?

Hey a lot of this seems like a "what if I'm BI" situation. Been there. Trust me I've been dating a few girls the past couple weeks/months looking for a relationship and rarely any of them come back for a 2nd date. My spikes happen "what if I'm not meant to be with a woman"? I come on here when I'm spiking hard. But I know I'm not gay bc these thoughts don't arouse me. They don't make me feel comfortable. I get disgusted when thinking of a man with another man (worker at my company is gay and talks about it, sheesh ). I had a gay man hit on me. That didn't make my spikes lessen.

You've stated you always liked guys. How exactly did these doubts originate ? When? Sometimes a bad experience make you have doubts but it doesn't change your nature of sexual orientation. I get disgusted about being with the same sex. Not that I care what people do in their own time behind closed doors but to me it doesn't seem natural.

I doubt you are bi. You know how many straight woman blush at comments from other girls? That's natural. It seems to me your are Overthinking what your reaction to the compliment was. Not that you are bi. You were happy about a comment. When I get a comment from my boss who is a male I smile and thank him for the praise of my work. That's not gay. That's pride of doing a job well done.

I think some of us, myself included need to stop over analyzing our actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings. It's all a "what if " scenario. My problem is I'm 25 and lonely in my love life. When things aren't going well for me in that department I seem to spike hard. However when I'm with a woman I'm aroused just checking out her gorgeous figure across the table at dinner. Laying with her. These feelings towards the opposite sex don't change.

My friend who came out as gay at 21 years old kinda knew when he had opportunities to hook up with women in college and didn't when girls seemed interested at parties. He used to hangout with the girls to have girl talk while us guys were watching the game or doing something else.
In high school he was better friends with women. Not that it means anything really but his best friends were more of the female atmosphere.
If your history serves well enough you've always been drawn towards the opposite sex that won't change. You are 18. Normally this is all noticed when you are younger in puberty.

I'm recently looking at my history and heck I was young and always aroused at women in bikinis. Women's tennis. Etc. memories or enjoyment with the opposite sex will really make you think back to what you desire naturally and help tell yourself "this is crazy, why second guess myself?"


I really hope I helped you. Sometimes helping others out helps me relieve my hocd spikes.

That's the problem I don't really get intrusive thoughts so I think "well if it doesn't bother me maybe I am bi" like I'll admit I've thought about kissing but it's only strictly curious. I've TRIED imagining a life with a girl and while it doesn't disgust me I just can't. I like guys and I've found girls pretty before and even cute but I don't get that same hot feeling around them that I do guys. I can't even tell if what I'm feeling for certain girls is actual curiosity or just a friend crush thing. I'm terrified of the thought of being different and having to possibly tell my family.

Don't mean to be rude I think you just answered your own question. If you can't imagine or see yourself with another woman than these are thoughts not feelings. You aren't bi. You aren't gay. Try not to feed these thoughts.

Yeah I guess you're right ugh it just feels so real sometimes. I just hope I can get over this soon. I think when I go home I'm gonna see a therapist or something. I'm tired of trying to deal with this alone but thank you all for the answers. Life would be a million times harder without you guys or this website <3

still dealing with HOCD? wanted to reply, but making sure if it's still an issue first.