OCD (Pure O) are ruining my self esteem

So for the past 4-5 months my pure O has rocketed, I've been having a whole new variety of obsessive intrusive thoughts but they are usually about one certain topic though now they're spreading onto mainly that one but extended.

Its basically I'm producing thoughts that are my fears, my worst fears and because I've been so occupied with my looks for so long, overly obsessive not in a vanity way but in a low confidence way. My thoughts are often about how I look and how people see me and how I sound as my voice is also a big thing for me which I've struggled with all my life. Now I'm having these ridiculous thoughts that are so irrational like all Pure O but these are just completely unrealistic and crazy, they aren't things that could happen at a very low percentage like if you locked the door or not and if a fire might go up if you left the kettle on. These are imaginations of mine that are created by my worst fears and mostly surround as I've mentioned my looks and voice which both I've felt confident and started being able to live my life again without having to constantly worry if I look weird or stupid or if I'm showing off etc etc. But then these stupid irrational intrusive thoughts pop in my head and I get such a bad reaction to them and I have to immediately respond with positive thoughts, better images, rationalizing, always thinking and replacing thoughts that don't mean a thing about reality and the real me yet I get lost in it.

Its just really messing me up, its making me go socially inward and awkward, I can't even talk to people now without having to replace thoughts whilst in mid conversation. I suffer from social anxiety which this new obsessive thinking which I've never came across before just multiplies that social anxiety and by doing all these negative and bad compulsions and rituals in my head to counter-act these intrusive thoughts. It gives me seconds of relief followed by another intrusive thought. Its terrible but even though I know every time I react to a thought and I give it meaning then it will come back within 10 seconds or a minute or 30 minutes or an hour. Yet I can't just say NO I won't reply, I won't react to the thoughts because I feel like whenever I try doing that. I end up believing the thoughts on a emotional level and I start panicking that if I continue to "accept" the thoughts and take a mindful approach, trying to constantly not react to the thoughts then I'm accepting them for being real but their not obviously! Yet I can't get past that, I've tried for about a minute at the most but I couldn't handle it, I can't take personal insults towards, irrational beliefs, I can't face the fear of building new beliefs on ridiculous statements my mind is coming up with. I just can't allow that to happen and that's why I'm always fighting back, replacing thoughts, arguing in my mind and against my thoughts and the pattern just goes on and on. The meaning of the thoughts get worse, I start believing thoughts are real and that a positive thought is real therefore a negative one is, I can't tell the difference, I'm trying to detach myself but I just keep giving in to defending myself against my own intrusive thoughts, PURE O. Its just the fact that their so personal against me that I feel threatened if I try and just accept them and give myself a peace of mind, I go crazy in thinking then they must be true if I'm not reacting, if I'm not arguing the irrationality of the thoughts. Another big thing that I've sort of mentioned, is the fact that when I replace the negative intrusive thought via a internal ritual thought such as a positive image of a person etc. Then I try to believe that positive image therefore I've trapped myself into believing that if the positive is real then the negative is real that all thoughts are real in a sense. Its made things real difficult because of that, so I think that's why when a negative one appears I get so emotionally hurt or feel threatened and respond with a compulsion and a ritual.

I'm completely, I'm currently contacting CBT experts for help and support for my social anxiety mainly and now I'm waiting for the phone call to discuss meeting them. But now I've got this problem, I feel completely embarrassed to tell them whats bothering me along with social anxiety, this new problem of pure O which I can only diagnose myself with as I can't think of anything else it could be. So I'm getting to a point where I'm arguing with myself with thoughts entering my head most of the day its constant mental struggle to win the war that goes on forever. I can't bring myself to tell the CBT people about the specifics of the thoughts because its so embarrassing they'll think I'm so vain and a bad person but its honestly not the case. What should I do guys? Thank you.

I just replied to your DM, but I wanted to add that you shouldn't be afraid to see a therapist. I was so afraid and embarrassed to tell mine that I was afraid I was gay and then thought I was going to hurt someone. Did he think this cute little blonde girl in his office was going to bring a knife next time and hurt him? Not a chance. In fact, he actually said, if I brought a knife next time and handed it to you, I wouldn't feel scared one bit - he said, I know it would make you more afraid that I'm handing you a weapon.