It's all getting worse

Every since I can remember I have had obbsessive thoughts. In 6th grade I thought I was gay, i cried for weeks then forgot about it. Now I'm a senior in high school, with so much pressure to graduate early. A new full time job and a real girlfriend. I can't think straight. Then I watched a show about a kid that killed his whole family. Now for some reason I'm scared that will happen. I'm not scared ill do it, I'm scared it might happen? If that makes sense. Murder horrifies me. During movies I see some innocent people getting killed and it just always makes me think "they have loved ones" I can't even hurt a damn fly. Yet here I am crying myself to sleep and constantly thinking about it. It gets worse the more stress I get. I just need help. I want my damn mind to quit doing this. I will never harm another human being and never could. I'm sick of my mind asking "what if you do?"

This is a problem of compulsive thought patterns about committing acts simply because you fear them.

What your problem is, is that instead of facing your thoughts, you're trying to avoid them, thus allowing them to control your life more. Do you recall any movies where people say, "Whatever you do, don't look down," and then they look down? In a way this is the same concept. You're telling yourself not to think of anything bad, so then you're doing it.

It might help you to check out this site and consider purchasing this book about stopping unwanted thoughts.

http://www.stopunwantedthoughts.com/

(WARNING. SERIOUS/VIOLENT TRIGGERS)

Have you read this book, Jack?

I do agree with what Jack said though. Avoiding your problem stems from the fear of, an example would be a fear of committing a crime/felony. Responses and fears stem from immoral acts one does not support or personal disbeliefs in which one spiritually, emotionally and morally disagrees with, but mentally (due to OCD) may agree with or eventually convince themselves otherwise. Mental disagreement is usually inevitable when the thoughts arise, this causes spiking, but OCD may try to convince you otherwise, a classic example is you're scared you may kill your family.It brings fear but your OCD is ''telling'' you otherwise.

I've had thoughts of killing my family too. I got to the point where I was telling myself things such as ''It would be so easy to just pick up that knife and stab my father in the head''. OCD is convincing and quite scary, it will makes your thoughts feel realistic. Instead, try to face these thoughts as Jack said, even if it means blatantly accepting the idea of murder. I've said to myself sitting next to my father ''I'm going to kill my family, my father first'', this caused anxiety and obsessions to continue yes, but it was much easier to deal with then fearing such thoughts that entered my mind because I faced the fear unrealistically at the time, I just know I couldn't do that. Try facing your thoughts from a distance and with freedom, ''Yep, I'll kill my family right now'', I know how unpleasant that sounds and how it can induce prolonged anxiety, but just say it to yourself, you may feel as though your thoughts aren't as realistic as your OCD can emphasize and personify them to be.

I don't think anything will not happen to you. If you cannot hurt a fly, even though the ideologies your OCD creates sound, feel and may look realistic and convince you otherwise, there is extended and great doubt you could carry out the action of murdering your family. Try to laugh at how petty it sounds!

Hopefully I haven't triggered you.
All the best friend and take care!

I have read the book, and while reading it won't instantly solve your problems, it is a good read and helpful.