Another HOCD case ...

Hello im from brazil,I have suffered from hocd 8 months or so , I'm 16 , and along with all the obsessions that a sufferer of hocd has , all the same , I will not tell here because they are many , I stopped watching porn where man has included (only lesbians ) sometimes felt sad for being beautiful because gays are cute , I made a diary of 2 whole days of my thoughts , and various things like that , plus what has bothered me most now is that I 've always had gay fantasies nothing that affected me because I knew that I was always straight, always loved women , and sexually emocinalmente since I even thought it was gay at first saw that more and irrational because gays do not get excited with women or love them, so I could be bi , ai things got worse , I was afraid to like a friend that I know three years , I'm checking to see if I like it and this is defitinitivamente $#%^ ( false attraction, I think) one more thing that happened to me again today , and never 'll understand : during HOCD went to gay porn and straight porn 25 times to check, and all times only excited me straight , gay porn never excited me or anything even with ton of anxiety about me , never got excited , more when I think of a guy I had gay fantasies with him I 'm definitely excited , and it may seem more bizarre happens only to people who had sexual fantasy ( UNTIL mY BROTHER ! ) , detail already thought of my mother and aunt in masturbation , it's all fantasy I was addicted to masturbation, so bizzaras these things , the more you get excited me with thoughts of my brother or friends who have had fantasy ( only in masturbation ) ( only tested me with thoughts of my brother because tiveu a dream that I wanted see him masturbating in the same dream dreamed sex with 4 women and it was very good) it means that I'm bisexual? how can I be if I see gay porn and never get an erection ( to force myself to stay and can not ) help me please ... I 'm about to want to try to stay with a man , because I do not want more disgusting and I think it definitely disgusting ...

my experience is that the more porn you watch, the worse it gets. This includes things that make you high like pot, cigarette, alcohol.

I used to think I like my friend too, but I never miss him when we're not together. Never want to text or anything. Just a friend. This is one of my most fears.

Another fear of mine is when I notice good looking guy. I always check if I feel something or not. This becomes my current fear which I still trying to cope with it.

I notice that when one fear is gone, another fear will pop up to make you think you're gay.

I'm feeling better now after thinking about killing myself.

feel free to send me message. we can help each other. good luck dude.

Thanks man,im saying to myself that if i am bissexual im ok with this, so i have a dream today that i was in a prision and a man say to me that if im want to live i had to have sex with he and i remember that i think : i never gonna have sex with he (i planned to escape the prision because i never gonna have sex with he or even kiss he), and i tought me kissing he and having sex with he, and i tought i am not bissexual, i am straight,after this i tought : great time to know that i am straight (in the prision ) 'joking' !!! so i wake up happy haha, this mean that my subconscious is saying to me that im not bissexual ? i often believe that every dream try to say something to us (the same dream i met a very beautiful girl ) ...