Just don't know what to do anymore

Hello...

I have many forms of OCD (Praying, Ritualistic) which dominates my life.

Here's just one...

A prayer that would take someone 10 seconds takes me much longer. I have to do it until I get it right. i.e. I have to say God is the SUPREME everything. If I have a delayed reaction to the meaning of the word SUPREME, I keep doing it or if I do not include the the ING in everything clearly, I think I am not giving God the proper respect....I must say the word Supreme 300-500 times a day. I feel like if I don't do it, many of the good things I have in my life will leave me and also, if I do not do the prayers, I feel like God may think that I don't love him or worship him enough when I do love him. I have other prayers that I must say everyday perfectly or repeat and repeat them.

Also when I write on a piece of paper, I cross out all the time because if I write and say God at the same time, I don't want God to think that he doesn't have my undivided attention so I cross out what I wrote.. Also, I write God on the top of very page.

I must open and shut lights 10 times at a time because if something comes our of my mouth (some of the words comes out like Tourette's), I think bad will happen to me or that the light will think bad of me. Same effect when I change a channel on the TV or plug something in and out of an outlet (I worry about what the outlet or the channel indicator on the TV thinks) or when I use the Internet (always going back and forth between pages) ...I know its nuts, but at the time it makes so much sense.

I am not sure that God does not want me to go through the pain and agony for I go through it 90% of the time. I just don't know. Is it a test? I guess it all depends how we come out of it and right now I'm losing. All people have their issues and their problems. I realize this and I take no comfort in that I am luckier in a lot of ways than other people because they're suffering...The tourette's, depression, anxiety and the constant rituals and obsessions (there now seem to be an infinite amount) has cost me so much and which is now emotionally exhausting me and the fact that God knows I can't do anything about it makes me confused as to why He has done this to me. That said, I love God and love praying and I realize that we all have our issues so I don't know if this is a punishment...I just wish He knew what I feel inside everyday (what we all feel inside) and what it has cost me. I feel like my one chance at life has been destroyed as a result of this. Please know that I am not sure if this is me complaining, but I hope God knows that I am not directing my anger and hurt at Him or if I am, I don't want to...I am just losing this battle badly. I don't know what to think or do.....

There are other things as well. This is truly a great forum.

i just want to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle. i went through the same symptoms about a year ago.
I felt as if i should be in a constant prayer. If i felt like i said something wrong or my attention broke while i was "praying" i had to start completely over.
I suffered through this for about a month until my OCD shifted to an even bigger issue (my relationship). I wish i could help you more, but i just want to let you know that you are not alone.
You are rignt in saying that God does not want you to suffer like this. Just know that there is an end and don't give up hope.

I have Scrupulosity OCD, too. It can be really hard sometimes.
You should look at this website:

http://net-burst.net/guilty/scrupulosity.htm

God lead me to it to help me, so maybe it will help you, too.

God doesn't exist. You're cured.

Seriously though, I'm not trying to be mean, but you do realize that to nonbelievers it sounds like you are talking about your imaginary friend, right?

Why don't you give athieism a chance? Well, looking at your post I guess you wouldn't. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but mostly I'm sorry that the government's way to mass control people has affected you so terrribly that it's taken your life away.

Anyway, God probably doesn't care how many times you pray or whatever. Just be a good person with morals, lead a happy life, and believe in him. =/

Hi everyone,
I, too, suffer from this form of OCD and sometimes I really want to give up . It began in 2005 and sometimes I feel it's getting better, sometimes, however, I feel a have no strength to continue.
Would be great to share our struggles.