Is this HOCD? 25 years old help

JackM678 wrote:I'm 26 and felt I always knew there was something different about me but didn't know that was homosexuality.

The thought of checking out the girls never appealed to me. I can tell you for a fact that if you're 25 and just recently started having HOCD you are certainly not gay. It sounds to me it is more of the "what if" syndrome. Since I was about five years old I feared "what if I become a murderer someday?" This mainly was because of all that I heard on the news and saw in movies when I was really little about killers, being in prison, told that if you kill someone you go to hell, etc.

Some men may fear that being more into art and feminine things might make them gay. This is #######4 as even though gay people can generally be more feminine, this doesn't make up homosexuality. I'm into the arts, music, and theatre, but I'm also into sports. Gay people can be into masculine activities just as straight men can be into feminine activities.

Convincing yourself you're not gay would be most ideal, but I think the more realistic option would be to try to find out what it is about being gay that you would be so afraid of and losing those fears. If you get to the point where you can say, "So say I'm gay. So what? I'm still the same person regardless." Then that would not make you fear what if, because you already would know it wouldn't be so bad even if you were. If you don't have recurring fantasies about being with men, or picture yourself in some sort of sexual contact with a man, then you are not gay.

KevinG31 wrote:

postbreakupstruggles wrote:Well, to sum this up. All my life, I dated several women and slept with many women as well. Never had anxiety until I developed it around when I was 23 years old and took a weight lifting supplement called Jack3d which started causing the anxiety and panic attacks.

That background above is just a summary of me. In January, I got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship with my Girl Friend. She told me I could not do "manly things" which kinda made me just brush off the shoulder. Ok. Cool. I was on the rebound after that break up and slept with 3 other women, 1 whom I liked but turned me away as a "Fling" and I accepted that. Around June, when this "fling" ended, I got hit on by not 1, but 2 gay people at work. Thats' fine, it didn't bother me. But the one kept staring, winking, and hitting on me for quite some time. That's when I started getting the anxiety, "is the reason I keep getting rejected long term by women is because they think I'm gay?". This spiked massive anxiety throughout my mind. Years of dating and sleeping with women and trying and searching for every public pick up line and where to hit on single women. Heck this was all in May i was coming up with these ideas and a month later, I'm questioning myself.

Thing is, I understand OCD is in all cases. Some people have it minor (washing hands, knock three times, odd/.even nubmers etc). But this is the first time I've experienced HOCD. I had the anxiety when I turned 23 but once I cleansed myself off those supplements that were pulled off the shelf because of the neorogical side effects, I was fine. I don't have a porn addiction and no it's not denial. I can go every day without porn present and past. Only times I ever watched it was when I was in the mood, like normal guys and watched straight heterosexual porn imagining I was the guy pleasuring the women.

To this date, I still get aroused by women. I used to use the thought of tables, chairs, and males to kill my arousal in situations where I was in public after fantasizing about a woman/gf/girl i was dating.

Now all of a sudden, I get spooked at the thought of being gay. I know I'm not gay, but these thoughts seem real. I came to the understanding that the "Groinal response" is just anxiety near a male because it does not seem like a satisfiying feeling down there, more fear. However, lately, I've been striking out on dates with women to the point, I think my mind wonders and says "am I not meant to be with a woman"? Not that I hate gay people or anything, but I've always found this unnatural to be with the same sex, even girl on girl I think is unnatural, when others find it mind blowing.

I just want to meet a good girl and settle down. But I need to nix these HOCD thoughts. Help?

Women don't reject men because they think they are gay, what gave you such a strange idea? Women have always liked good looking gay men and they are often totally clueless that the men they like are gay. Women will choose to believe that any man presenting himself as straight is in fact straight if he seems like a winner/good catch to them. Women don't throw away their dream guy over some paranoia that he's gay if he has done nothing that overtly screams GAY.

However, I think your excessive actions of having sex with so many women as though you are trying to prove how manly you are is exactly what a gay person in denial would do. I've known a lot of guys who were "players" and who scored with women by the dozens only for them to wake up one day and admit they were gay. Having sex with a bunch of women does not make you straight, sexual attraction and desire originates in your mind. If you are truly straight you don't have to prove anything.

JackM678 wrote:If you're 25 and you have always been this way, it is never going to change. People don't just wake up one day and start finding the same gender sexually attractive. Rest assured. Even practices of conversion therapy to attempt to change sexual orientations have been condemned by the APA because you simply cannot change the orientation of someone's sexuality. Even Ex-Gay Ministries for religions don't change people's inner sexual desires, they just attempt to change their behavior. However, it is the same concept with heterosexuality. The what-if thoughts are irrational and borderline insanity. You're not gonna change, so don't freak out about it so much.

postbreakupstruggles wrote:

JackM678 wrote:If you're 25 and you have always been this way, it is never going to change. People don't just wake up one day and start finding the same gender sexually attractive. Rest assured. Even practices of conversion therapy to attempt to change sexual orientations have been condemned by the APA because you simply cannot change the orientation of someone's sexuality. Even Ex-Gay Ministries for religions don't change people's inner sexual desires, they just attempt to change their behavior. However, it is the same concept with heterosexuality. The what-if thoughts are irrational and borderline insanity. You're not gonna change, so don't freak out about it so much.

Thank you for your help. I think I just need to keep telling myself this a d laugh it off as a crazy thought. Not that I have anything against homosexuality. I've got a good friend and a co worker who I consider as a good friend that are gay. I have no issues what they do in their life in terms of life partner/dating. I do sometimes get an unnatural feeling when I hear them talk about their spouses in terms of kissing and hugging them, just because its not natural to me I guess. But that doesn't change who they are as a person. We just have different preferences.

To me these thoughts just came about one day when I was down in the dumps after a fling ended and I got feelings for this girl which was tough bc of a long term relationship I suffered the same thing.

Just has been a rough year I guess. 13 is never a lucky number so

KevinG31 wrote:

postbreakupstruggles wrote:

JackM678 wrote:If you're 25 and you have always been this way, it is never going to change. People don't just wake up one day and start finding the same gender sexually attractive. Rest assured. Even practices of conversion therapy to attempt to change sexual orientations have been condemned by the APA because you simply cannot change the orientation of someone's sexuality. Even Ex-Gay Ministries for religions don't change people's inner sexual desires, they just attempt to change their behavior. However, it is the same concept with heterosexuality. The what-if thoughts are irrational and borderline insanity. You're not gonna change, so don't freak out about it so much.

Thank you for your help. I think I just need to keep telling myself this a d laugh it off as a crazy thought. Not that I have anything against homosexuality. I've got a good friend and a co worker who I consider as a good friend that are gay. I have no issues what they do in their life in terms of life partner/dating. I do sometimes get an unnatural feeling when I hear them talk about their spouses in terms of kissing and hugging them, just because its not natural to me I guess. But that doesn't change who they are as a person. We just have different preferences.

To me these thoughts just came about one day when I was down in the dumps after a fling ended and I got feelings for this girl which was tough bc of a long term relationship I suffered the same thing.

Just has been a rough year I guess. 13 is never a lucky number so

Then you had a bad breakup with a female and suddenly the thought of being gay was more fascinating because then you could get away from women? If it isn't any more complicated than that then I don't know why you don't easily dismiss the idea and move on? And that girl probably called you not manly just because she knew it would bother you, my mother would always say that my father had a laugh like a teenage girl when she wanted to make him mad. Some women use feminization insults to harm a man's ego, it doesn't mean that anyone thinks you are gay. So if I take your word for it and you don't really feel gay then I suggest that you should not be put on any of those OCD medications because those drugs can have side effects and who needs the side effects of a drug when you don't need to be on it in the first place? In conclusion, you are fine, stop worrying about it. Have you seen the other posters on this forum? Now those are some real freaks!