disturbances in my thought process (may be triggering)

Ok, this is gonna be long, so please bear with me. For as long as I can remember I have been having strange disturbances in my thought process. It's really hard to explain but I'll try.

When I was little I would get scared, and I would try to get my mind off of it by thinking of a cartoon that I had watched earlier in the day. While I was imagining these cartoons a character would get killed in a very gruesome way. I would replay the cartoon over and over in my head trying to make it go the way it went when I actually watched it. But, everytime the same thing would happen at the same point in cartoon. No matter how hard I tried to make it go the right way. For example one day I was scared so I started to think about the cartoon "hey arnold" that I had watched that day. At one part in thought (of the cartoon) Arnold's head got cut off. It was a very graphic image, very violent. So I would keep trying to replay the story in my head trying to make go right. But, it never would.

For the past couple of years I have been having unwanted thoughts of violence. Out of nowhere I'll get these thoughts and images about me or my loved ones getting hurt. I don't ever believe that these thoughts are going to happen, but they still scare me. And cause me to analyze and judge my own personality. This also causes anxiety. These thoughts get into extreme detail. For example, the other day, I had a thought that my sister's boyfriend (not Amy's) raped me. This thought was so detailed that it even went so far as to how I escaped and what I did afterwards. Another time I was laying in bed and I imagined myself sitting on my bed hearing and arguement between my mother and my stepfather (remember I was imagining this). Although I didn't see the images of the argument in my head, I knew what was happening. While they were fighting my stepfather pushed my mother into my door, and her head hit the door so hard that her neck snapped and she died. Athough I didn't see actual images of the whole fight, I did see the image of my mother's neck snapping. I knew the whole time that it was just a thought, and I was completely concsious the whole time. But it scared the $#%^ out of me.

Why is this happening? Could it be ocd? I'd appreciate any replies. This is really bothering me. If you actually got through this whole post, then, thanx for your time.

Kayty

unwanted thoughts can often be from OCD, self help books for overcoming OCD have useful advice
'brainlock' has methods of coping with the thoughts
relaxation reduces anxiety and so also reduces OCD which is classed as an anxiety disorder

an antidepressant med sometimes helps

Hey,

Yeh it is probably the OCD that causes these thoughts to enter your head. With all of the obsessive thinking and fighting with your own mind there are nerve impulses flying around everywhere in your brain. With that, many different thoughts enter our heads, including ones of violence.


I repeatedly get thoughts of this nature but I do not worry about them - it is the worrying about them that will make them more overpowering. So, next time one of these invasive thoughts enteres your head, simply say: "No, you won't upset me this time you damn stupid thought!" And thereafter move on with your day.


Kevster

Thanx for the advice guys, Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this and that im not CRAZY... I'll take all of your advise into consideration and find what helps me best.
Kayty

hi Kayty, i once had this what you are describing, yes it does sound like ocd (pure o) or to better describe it anxiety, i went to all lengths to try to stop these with no avail, read many self help books etc, there are loads of different ways experts describe of dealing with them in these books on the net etc. i went through 2 years of hell with this and this is difficult to describe but you must GIVE UP.



i read your post and this is a typical cycle that may have started way back in your past

a thought comes into your consciousness(the mind is a vast array of good and bad some of it is garbage(meaningless)

you judge it (descusted repulsion etc) (we all have an inner judge on board)
this judge / critic was developed in you childhood by your experiences with parents / care providers schooling etc.


emotion reaction to image (anxiety/fear)
ask yourself were in you body in the emotion/stress were do you feel it this is the pain

next stage ruminination(worry) you spend long time afterwards worrying about the fact that you have these unwanted thoughts
(this provides the energy/fuel for the negative cycle to continue like filling up the tank on a car for next
journey(so dont bother worrying about them cos this
is why you are having them cos you worry)

really to sum it up we have a little piece of self contained program running (like a computer program) your mind in running this all by its self (amazing!)
all because you are thrying the impossible THOUGHT SUPPRESSION (try this and you will see what i mean, think of a black horse, now try not to think of this black horse, see what i mean!!

now this was my solution to the problem and im not saying this may be yours but:

1. i created these things myself unconsciously as it is easier to fucus on this crap than the real crap in my life(so watch it are there anything in your life you are anxious about!

2. you feel responsible for your THOUGHTS and IMAGES that come into your conscious awareness, always remember we are human beings, yes society and parenting moulds us into do gooders, helpers, religion, all towards the lighter side of life, but maybe also we have a darker side of us a sadistic side killer, murder, hate and i could go on. so we are tought to judge and steer clear of the darker, remember its only a thought or image its not really you, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

3. 1. give in to them ( acknowledge them ) why judge them? yes you are physically capable of the committing the most atrocious things or others are tell yourself you are capable of these things or other humans are as well.

4. NEXT find something about them that is good maybe these things happening wouldn't be such a bad thing after all
(the above may break the cycle, thats its intention!)

5. replay them in your head many times over bringing the most awful and gruesome things possible up anything goes, and laugh at them, play games with them in your head, try to make them black and white, put come music on in there with them like clown music send the images further away (like looking out of a plane)

spend hour a day for next week just devoted to doing the opposite of what you have been doing, IF YOU CAN'T BEAT EM JOINT EM!!!!!
(TURN AND FACE THEM)

also you said the thoughts are about your family, do you feel over responsible for them, are your boundary's with them over emeshed

are familys are part of use literally( you see them as part of your self) but really they are NOT we are separate our own individual freedom, although i know it doesn't seem like that sometimes!

i hope this frees your mind up

simon

I second that Simon. Great advice

Simon and Amy- thanx for the advice

I went to my psych today and she told me I had pure "o" ocd. She is going to send me to her specialist though for meds, but that appointments not untill august.
Kayty