Am I destined to become a monster?

I have two mental illnesses confirmed, and I'm deathly worried that I have more. Anyway, as you all know, living with mental illness is tough. Sometimes I get delusions in which I'm yelling and beating my classmates out of frustration. I keep reading things about how people used to have abusive schizophrenic or mentally ill mothers or fathers, and I don't want to turn into that...I mean, sometimes my jokes do end up being hurtful, but I don't want to turn into a pure monster.

Does it sound like I'm on the wrong path? Like, honestly, I don't seem like the nicest guy. I usually make jokes about suicide in order to hide my own suicidal intrusive thoughts, or to make fun of my troubled past. But I swear I'm getting better! Hopefully I'm more of a jerk than an actual evil person.