can someone reply to this please?

25 year old male, suffering with unwanted gay thoughts and feelings, i tend to think of the thoughts deliberately now to see if i like them, i dont like any of them but i always feel like my testicles move and feels like i am going hard but nothing ever goes hard but last night my penis didnt go hard but it grew a little bit now this has added on top of everything else now and making me uncomfortable and confused now as to think am i gay or not ? i think the fact that i know the thought is wrong and i dont want it makes you like it ?

i say to myself i wouldnt do anything with a man, i wouldnt touch a man, i wouldnt feel a man, i wouldnt kiss a man, i wouldnt have sex with a man and i wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a man, i would live alone if i had to, yet this thought i put my self in with a man with him doing something to me ( not sex just other stuff ) made my penis grow a small bit, why is this?

i only ever masturbate to women, i only ever message women on chat sites, i only ever look for women on chat sites, never men and never will i message or look for men, yet that situation i put my self in caused me to grow a little bit? WHY!!? because that happened does that mean i am gay? if you say yes then why do i only want and choose to masturbate over women message women on chat sites and only look for womene on chat sites? why wouldnt i wanna be in a relationship with a man? why would i wanna live alone if i was to be gay? how could i be gay if i dont want to be ? how could i be gay if these thoughts worry me sooo soo much?

i have had gay experiences in the past which is regret nothing as far as a penis in my arse or vice verser, this was a long time ago years ago, since then i have been in relationships with girls

i have suffered with anxiety for a number of years and these gay unwanted thoughts have been bothering with for over a year now, even in the later stages of my last relationship i was getting feelings like i didnt love or want to be with my girlfriend which made me cry etc

its confusing ffs, everything is messed up

Hi sameold! I was wondering if it could help you to define what you understand that sexuality means. I would also explore what is your moral background regarding sexuality. It seems to me that the fear is somewhere beneath that layer.

You are so terrified about the possibility of being gay, that I would explore why? I heard once that sexuality is like a rainbouw, only one end is totally heterosexual and the other end is totally homosexual, and the rest of us are somewhere between those two extremes. Must of us are not 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Sometimes it is a field to explore and then along the way we define ourselves or not. It does not matter. Sometimes it is just a sexual fantasy or sometimes is something else. The fear is where you need to work on, the rest seems to me totally normal.

good luck!!