Hocd losing hope,hating life,confused

Can someone explain why i get erections to mentally visualizing sucking a mans penis or getting sucked off.... its really starting to piss me off... or even reading anything gay... after all my searching i cantfinda story that relates to mine..

Perhaps related to this? http://yourbrainonporn.com/can-you-trust-your-johnson

Note, that's an addiction site, not OCD. Searching for stories that are too similar might cause spikes. I hope the above doesn't trigger a new set of worries. More that I think that's a helpful description of what it can feel like when being aroused by something that wouldn't ordinarily do the job. The escalation and change of taste [but not core sexuality] comes from a different cause to OCD. But same effects perhaps.

Ada thanks for your help so far. Im still a newb to hocd but not to ocd... why cant i find guys going through the SAME as me... do you think the gay thoughts followed by erections is a syomton to hocd... ive never read of it being that severe... thanks again ada... anyone else please post is you have some insight

Anyone!? Surely im not the only one

Being homosexual is more than homoerotic feelings or realizing sexual fantasies. I am a heterosexual male and I have had plenty of homoerotic fantasies. I have friends who have had some intimacy with someone of the same sex but are heterosexual.

You say (original post) that you would sometimes masturbate to homoerotic porn or fantasies because you needed something different. I did that too when I was younger and extreme anxiety put me in a constant state of sexual arousal. At some point certain fantasies no longer worked for me and I had to go down alternate routes to seek satisfaction.

It was all anxiety and yes, despite what KIND of OCD it is, one can suffer as badly as you are. You are not alone in this. That you have had other OCD before should be an indication of what might be happening to you now.

A professional will help separate what might be OCD/Anxiety from what might be sexual addition or other things.

I might have missed it, but are you on any meds for the anxiety?

Otter.

I had a conversation with somebody who had a very similar issues, found here and I believe all of the same advice applies to you.

No im not on meds becuase the 1st time i got meds i had a BAD reaction and wont take anymote. Maybe im missing something biit i dont see how his story is similar to mine... now when i check myself i walways when up with a erection... i read anything gay i get a erection. I see anything gay i get a erection .. i tole play be doing gay things in hope to not gret aroused like i use to but every time i get aroused now idk what to do... im desperate ive never heard anyone going through exactly what i am...

-- Wed Aug 14, 2013 7:31 pm --

Sorry for misspelling guys im on a phone and my screen is cracked... i just feel like i dont know who i am anymore....

Revemup15 wrote:Ada thanks for your help so far. Im still a newb to hocd but not to ocd... why cant i find guys going through the SAME as me... do you think the gay thoughts followed by erections is a syomton to hocd... ive never read of it being that severe... thanks again ada... anyone else please post is you have some insight

If you read my thread I think it could give you some insight.
obsessive-compulsive/topic120601.html

Well i would of updated everyone but for longest time i couldnt log in... as i didnt think it could get any worse it does.... my brain is so wore out... i will type all that i can remember tmrw.. thats the thing with this $#%^ to i cant remember everything

Here is what i have so far... i was watching coming outi videos on youtube... was kinda helping me and got bad... freaked out and started writing down $#%^ ive been going through.

-when i imaging anything sexual with a man (getting dick sucked or sucking a guys dick) i either get a tingling, jolt, half hard, or full erecton
- when i get a gronial reaponse (tingling,jolt or erection) i get aroused / horny...
-reading,hearing,typing,watching anything gay.. i get a G.R and get aroused
-feeles like somehow something flipped a switch in my head and feels like im gay now
-when i i tell myself (im gay) i get a G.R
-when my hocd is bad i dont get aroused by my gf or girls but when i get a G.R about anything gay i get aroused
-when im with my girl firend and imaging us having sex somthing i grt a G.R , which scares me because i think im gay bc i feel like if i have it with all of the above and with my gf i must be gay
-somedays my G.R are uncontrollable and get them to any guy i see or thought or image
-somedays i really think i am gay so i start to notice guys more and check there butts,smile,teeth. And if there good looking i think (oh hes cute)
-makes me think i like/want to be gay
-sometimes the way i talk,walk,or things i say i think that iam gay
-cant convince myself its my hocd bc i never heard or read a story like mine
-sometimes when i tell myself im gay (therapist) told me to as a technique, anyways sometimes i feel like i came out of closet,i feel better like weight being lifted of my shoulders
-i messaged a guy back on a ocd forum and thought he is secretly gay and got a G.R and got aroused
-when i was watching coming out videos on youtube to see if i resembled any of them... i caught myslef wanting to flee,turn it off, throw my phone etc, when i saw a good looking guy its like somthing was pulling me to watch it idk how to describe it..
-my mind is overloaded and needs a break... hope this helps someone... if i ever finally realize i have hocd and i dont turn gay... i will make a point to make a website dedicated to this and help everyone i can bc i don't want anyone to have to go through this... i have found a website or forum to REALLY help me