Another new face just looking for some answers..

Hey there.
My name's Julie. I'm 21 years old, female (obviously :) ), and currently living in Oklahoma.

I'm sure there are a lot of these posts here, the "Help, I might be.." kind, and I hate to say I'm not gonna be any different, but.. well, I'm not, really.


Like I said, I'm 21 years old, turning 22 this July and currently living with my married girlfriend, her husband and her three children (ages 2, 5, and 6). (Just for the record, and to avoid the uncomfortable questions that might be asked :) - I'm polyamorous and involved in a three-way relationship). We have two dogs (Lucy, a brittany lab, and Pan, a red heeler), an outdoor cat (A very manly tabby named Bob), and two birds (Darius and Snow). Currently, my girlfriend's mom, step-dad and younger brother are living with us, and will be for the next month or so until they find an apartment.
Up until now nothing had really been said about my.. obsessive cleaning. No one ever thought anything of it- I'm the only one in the house who "likes" to clean, so when I moved in, my presence was something of a blessing.

The problem, though, isn't so much that I like to- but that I can't live with the mess. Living with so many people, the dishes and the dirty clothes pile up without any warning at all. A single moments' slack brings up a weeks' worth of work. Not to mention the kids trash the house on a daily basis.
I've been driving myself to tears trying to keep up. I clean, and clean, and clean in order to keep my own emotions in check. When things are a mess, I start to get anxious, depressed, and irritable. I get angry and will start snapping at people who don't deserve it- like the kids.
If the house is a mess, I can't calm down. I feel the constant urge to straighten things up- to pick up the living room, do the dishes, make the bed, clean up after the toddler- to the point of pushing myself to tears and mild breakdowns when I can't control the mess. I feel like a failure if the house isn't clean, despite the fact that three other very capable adults live in the house, too.

There have been days when someone else has helped, like my girlfriend's younger brother, but he does things half-heartedly, and it only worsens my mood about it all. I end up feeling like I need to do all the chores to make sure they're done right- to make sure the dishes in the dishwasher actually came clean, that the dogs get a thorough bath, or the kids toys' are picked up just right.

I never thought anything of it before I moved into such a full house. I just saw it as.. an unobtrusive need for orderliness (After all, my dad cleans when he gets angry or stressed- I simply thought I inherited it from him). But it seems to have become somewhat more volatile, and I'm not sure if this is possibly a mild case of OCD or something else entirely.

I guess I'm asking what's probably the most over-asked question here: Do you think I might be dealing with a mild case of OCD in some form, or am I simply worrying over nothing?
I know no one can diagnose me over the internet, and I should seek professional help if I really think this may be an issue or is hindering my ability to function normally, but it's 4 am and I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance.

I've dealt with depression in the past- I took zoloft for nearly two years and dealt with a mild bout of cutting. But I came around out of it on my own in time. It was, as I say, teen angst. (I know this isn't the case with everyone suffering from depression- it just was with me).
I guess because I was able to control and deal with the depression on my own, I feel like I should be able to control these urges and emotions now, but I honestly can't. They come without warning and are impossible to ignore. It's become that I either clean myself to the bone, or I crumple under my own anxiety.

Any help, any honest advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much for those who took the time to read my (hideously long) post, and extra-super-big-hugs type of thanks for anyone who responds.


Julie (duvessa84 @ gmail.com)

Julie,

Holy Cow child! I'm not a clean freak but that situation would drive "me" up a wall. I think Girlfriend and hubby need to request that the guest who are there help out. After all, it would be the "respectful" thing to do. It sounds to me like you are being taken advantage of. Of course when they do help out they do it half-heartedly... they know that you'll go back and do it for them.

hi there sorry to hear your in distress it sounds to me you have ocd im meant to have it but mines the thought one which is in my head i only have to make sure my pots are clean what i eat off the rest of the house can go swing only joking you could go to your doctor and he will refer you to a phychiatrist dont be scared they are great people and will tel you there are millions of people out there like you please write back quite intresting that you live in oklahoma im from england