Obsessive thoughts of self-loathing and hopelessness.

I'm a 29 year old female who has pushed away many people in my life. I basically live as a hermit, which I preferred for a long time. But, lately, I constantly feel hopeless, alone, isolated and hopeless. I have tried so many things that do not work.

I live in a small, Midwestern town and have never really had any connection with anyone (there is not much to do here but drink, get high and have kids). I am now doubting my entire existence. And it is something that haunts me constantly. I can be asleep and wake up thinking "You're not good enough, you've never tried anything, you don't trust anyone, no one will ever love or trust you, you are inferior to everyone and you will die alone." I have OCD and was diagnosed at about age 4. These are certainly obsessive, CONSTANT thoughts, but I don't know if they fall under the heading of OCD. I try to talk myself down, but most days I feel that I'm having a panic attack, from the time I wake up until I go to sleep.

I don't know if this is an appropriate question to ask, but can anyone suggest any medication that helps with the obsessive thoughts? I am in therapy, but as for as the meds go, it seems to be a constant cocktail of changing this with that and that with this,..much of which doesn't help.

Thank you if you got through my ramble. Any suggestions on how to deal with these racing thoughts would be so appreciated.

I have faced something similar to what you are going through. My OCD has turned into a perpetual form of self-hating and questioning. My mind keeps telling me things like "You are not genuine." "You don't really care about the people you love," etc I have become obsessed with doing this both when I am alone and when I am in conversation. The scary part is that it feels like me and not just a thought. I don't know how to get over this.