HOCD: I cant do this

I seriously am just tired of this $#%^. Im 16 and I think this mightve been caused by arousal addiction or something. I just cant ######6 do this anymore. I remember when it first started I had the worst anxiety for the first few days. I wouldnt even get out of bed. I was doing that checking ritual too many times to even count. I seriously had thought I was gay. But I know you dont just wake up gay, and Ive loved girls my whole life. I had my first crush when I was in first grade and have had many more since then. I had a girlfriend for three years and I loved her as much as one can love at my age. We never kissed or anything but I always felt EXTREMELY aroused by her when I was around her. I always wanted to kiss her but I just so afraid I would ###$ it up. Ive always had fantasies about girls. Ive always watched straight porn.
I literally thought I was turning gay until I found out about HOCD. Then everything made so much sense. Everything got better for a bit until I went back to school.
I couldnt even walk through the halls without anxiety. I couldnt even look my gay friend in the face. I have nothing wrong with gays, i just dont wanna be gay. I can barely hang out with my male friends for fear of arousal. Whenever a guy tries to touch me I usually block them away now or sidestep and dodge them.
The anxiety is also killong me. Some days Ill have constant groinal response and horrible headaches during the school time. Im pretty much always fautigued now too. My arousal for women is nearly gone. Sometimes I can get it up to women masturbating. I cant even look at anything with a penis without a hit of anxiety and my brain says "youre only getting off because of the cock"
I think it was caused by arousal addiction though. The only thing is that I didnt escalate to the weird $#%^. I could get off on straight and lesbian porn fine. I just woke up one day and it wouldnt do it for me. I usually masturbated 2-3 times a day more or less, which I heard was normal for my age. I never got into the weird $#%^ because I always thought it was disgusting. Ive checked with gay stuff and I never get hard. I just that horrible false arousal that feels real or my penis will bump once and then stay soft. It still scares the $#%^ out of me though and I get the overwhelming feeling of fear and not breathing for a second. When I look at women it gets halfway and then stops or doesnt do anything.
I heard that what I have to do is stop masturbating for awhile. I try but every day it fails. I get this overwhelming fear that Ill start getting attracted to men if I dont masturbate to women.
I find it hard to do anything anymore. I cant do this $#%^ anymore. Can anyone help me?

Ok, I'll try to help you.

You seem to have a certain control over your OCD. You know you have OCD, at least. Most people don't even know that.

Your HOCD is 100% textbook and typical. You're clearly NOT gay.

What should you do?

1. Your thoughts about being gay are just thoughts. Agree? Fine.
2. You can't think yourself into being gay. If you could, before it got socially accepted to be gay, most gay people would probably think themselves straight. So I guess we can agree, you can't think yourself to another sexual orientation than the one you already have. OK?
3. The way you respond to your thoughts happens because your FEAR of being gay. If you got a thought about killing your cat and eating it for dinner, it would be a horrible thought but it wouldn't cause any anxiety. Do you still agree?
4. So - the only way to cure this condition is to pay less attention to your thoughts. They are thoughts - meaningless events in your brain. As a human being, you have thoughts (like the rest of us) but you ARE not your thoughts. Your thoughts can NEVER make you do stuff you don't want to do. Do you understand?
5. Next time you get intrusive thoughts about being gay, you can say to yourself: "My OCD just threw a thought about me being gay". It could as well have been a thought about eating my cat. They are just thoughts, and thoughts can't harm you or make you gay. Just observe your thoughts, don't start checking if they are true. Cause when you do, that's when you get into trouble. You're basically telling your brain that this thought is important and should occur more often.