Can OCD alter your mind? Or is something else too?

From an early age I've always been an anxious worried person. I'm currently meeting with a doctor about my anxiety and he's helped me see my previous obsessions. I had a wind phobia (I would skip meetings, not go to school etc because it was windy, insane), fear of dolls and a serious eating disorder for 2 years (amongst other obsessions). My dad has perfectionism OCD (along with depression and psychosis) and I started having anxiety attacks after my first BF broke up with me (nasty breakup).


Flash forward to 4 months ago...another breakup...but we fixed things shortly after. In the meantime I was severely depressed. I'm a teacher, so I poured everything into teaching and felt complete agony when I left. I lived only to teach. I even told myself I'll never love again...only him. Then one day I started having this weird feeling of something bad happening and began having intrusive thoughts.


I know they're not true, but they keep coming back after reassurance and I still think 'what if' 'what if' or create false memories, I have a CONSTANTLY racing heart and even when I reassure myself, the thoughts remain. With some of the thoughts I have physical responses (shaking my head, crying and flinching). Lately I've sometimes felt apathetic to the thoughts and I've also become numb to feelings (doctor said it was a response to my mind being exhausted from fighting).


But now I feel my mind is altered and I'm confused. Because of the type of thoguhts I have, I can no longer understand differences in relationships (i.e. between a mother and her children, husband and wife, friendship). I feel like they're all the same and it alarms me. I'm having some trouble with gender differeniation too. I feel very differently about my Boyfriend (and very strongly), but with almost everyone else I feel nothing but the horrible thoughts/images.


It's ruining my life. I left my church (I was VERY involved), stopped talking to friends (numerous reasons-fear based) and family. I'm terrified of going to work now out of fear...or doing anything because of the anxiety. A lot of people now think I'm upset at them...and people are angry at me. I went from being social and happy 3.5 months ago to this.

Is this blur normal for OCD??? I don't know what to do...I can't get a prescription until early next week and I have a job ;_;

I'm no doctor, but yes, OCD of any type can make you feel like your mind is being altered, believe lies and doubt all truth. I have Homosexual OCD and I'll give you a little bit of my story and you can see how OCD messes with you in unimaginable ways:

I'm a straight male that has always known he has loved everything about women and has never questioned his sexuality. But as I went through school, I was called the word "gay" simply because I was underweight, didn't care about sports that much fit many stereotypes of gay men(dress nice, values education, is neat and organized, etc.). After some failed attempts of getting with girls, being treated like a "gay best friend" by them, and others believing I'm not straight simply because of the way I look, one night, my mind told me, "You're gay and they can all see a 'true self', why can't you? Once you admit it, the truth will set you free". Even though I knew this was a bunch of crap and could easily say "no, I'm not", my mind didn't stop there. Now whenever I'm near a "handsome" male, I feel terror, anxiety and a bunch of questioning popping in. Because of all of this, my attraction towards girls feels declined and leads me into more fear, anxiety and questioning. My heart and genitals know what I want, but my mind is full of a bunch of logical evidence that, according to our society, culture and stereotypes, that I am actually gay, should give up on women and start pursuing men. Because of all of this, I have to 'check' by looking at other guys to see if I'm aroused and start questioning everything about myself, from the things I liked as a child, to the GIRLS I WAS ATTRACTED TO IN THE PAST.

Do you see how OCD messes with your head and feels like it alters your beliefs about yourself and everything around you? It makes you doubt the truth and believe lies just because of logical evidence imbued into your head according to the environment around you and past experiences. Whatever you do, always trust your heart because the heart knows what it wants and is ALWAYS correct about what will make you happy. These things are not healthy at all for anybody with OCD. Just don't believe ANYTHING your brain cooks up and do everything to avoid "checking". My OCD struck me about 2.5 months ago and because of it, my life went in a downward spiral, my progress in school dropped, I'm numb to emotions and can't laugh anymore. Hell, I don't even remember who I was or how happy I was before it hit me. Just don't give up. GOOD LUCK.

High levels of stress can alter anyone's mental state and drive them into a confused state because stress affects the chemicals in your body and brain. It can mean the stress is literally making you ill. When this happens you need to do something to change the path of things or you can end up feeling worse because a constantly stressed state can become a vicious circle that way.