I know I have pocd, but I dont know how to deal with it.

Hi this is my first post here. whats up guys?

anyway Im a seventeen year old male with an extremely frightening case of pocd. My obsessions started about 2 years ago (I honestly dont remember how). However I distinctly remember my obsessions getting worse once I started looking at porn heavily. luckily I've overcome that problem for the most part. My thoughts still linger in full force though. Basically I have really messed up intrusive thoughts any time anything sexual is brought up. Brace yourself because what im about to tell you is really effed up. Basically whenever I masterbate an image (not sexual) of my baby cousin pops into my head. This started a couple weeks ago. I had recently got back visiting my two cousins and uncle. Every time I do visit them my anxiety skyrockets. what happened was I got back and a few days later I decided to masterbate. I told myself not to think of anything from my visit with them( because it was so stressful) and what do you know an image of my baby cousin pops into my head. now ever since then the exact same thing happens everytime I decide to masterbate. this is just one of the many situations i've experienced over the last two years and I cant describe to you how much guilt I feel over all of this. I think about suicide a lot, and I feel like nobody would ever accept me if they knew about my ocd. I honestly want to put an end to all of this, but I need help and I dont know where to turn right now. Do any of you have suggestions on beating this? because I legitimately feel like its eating me from the inside out.

Don't consider suicude over this, trust me, it's treatable. I'm experiencing something similar to this and I haven't yet found the right treatment, but I've always managed to find good treatment for past symptoms. A mix of medication and therapy may help a bit. You can look up both psychiatrists and therapists on www.psychologytoday.com and www.psychcentral.com. Before considering suicide, please go seek some help first. And tell your doctors the absolute truth. They've really heard it all. They're there to help, not judge. Good luck

August 25th I read about pocd for the first time. It was like reading myself on the web and I couldn't block out the thoughts any longer. I started obsessing about them. It took me a month to come clean with my therapist. I told him that I have sexual thoughts about children and am afraid I'm a pedophile. I really have no desire to hurt kids. I know it's wrong. I'd never do it. I still have days where I'm afraid I am, but that's just part of the condition...
It's been almost three months and I'm doing much better. I'm not suicidal anymore. I'm talking much nicer to myself in my head. I'm able to be around a kid without having a panic attack. I actually went a whole day at work without having a single thought. It's possible to get better.
How'd I do it? It's been a hard road. I have an awesome therapist. We've been doing a lot of work on neutrality like not judging myself because of the thoughts. I can't control the thoughts but I can control my reaction to them. Instead of thinking things like "I'm a horrible person" or "I'm disgusting" or "I'm deserve to die" or "These thoughts are never going to go away" ... you get the idea ... I try to just let them pass and repeat neutral or positive statements like "They're just thoughts" or "It won't hurt anything to be open to the idea that I'm not a horrible person" or "I don't know that this will last forever" ... I keep notes in my phone that I reread whenever I have a free minute or if I need something to lift me up. I edit it now and then and I found that my neutral thoughts gradually started getting more positive.
I still have a long ways to go, but there's definitely been progress so I know this tactic works. It's related to Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Buddhism if you want to read up on either of them.
I'm also on medication for bipolar disorder. I haven't actually been diagnosed with ocd. In fact, my therapist doesn't think I have it because I don't have any compulsions and my obsession doesn't interfere with my daily functioning. But I definitely have the obsessing part down. I haven't mentioned any of this to my psychiatrist, either, because I just started seeing him in July and this is too sensitive a subject for such a new relationship... Diagnosis or not, I relate to the ocd mind a lot, so I thought I could help. In fact, I created an account on this site just so I could respond to your post. I thought you could use some hope. Find a therapist, maybe a psychiatrist, and get to work. You can get better. It just takes some work, but you can do it.

Attraction to kids is what makes someone a pedofile, not having images pop into your head during masturbation. I could think of a goat whilst I'm masturbating, that wouldn't mean I'm in to bestiality because I'm neither attracted to goats nor have I tried to have sex with one. The same goes for children. I'm sure when you do masturbate it starts with thinking about women or men, not with children as it would do if you had a strong sexual preference for them.

You should see a therapist about this, though you may worry you're admitting to something criminal you're not. I told a therapist I had thoughts about killing other people - their response wasn't to cry out in alarm and call the cops on me. The fact that these thoughts revolve around a family member rather than any other child in the world in my mind make it pretty clear that this is something your brain as come up with to provoke the strongest reaction from you it can.

Ideally, moving on to exposure would be best for you such as being around kids for prolonged periods time; ultimately building to babysitting an actual baby where you have to change it's nappy and the like. I've heard that describing something that would really upset you into a dictaphone - in your case a graphic sexual act with one of your cousins - and then listening to that for an hour a day can be good for exposure too, but having not tried it personally I cannot vouch for how effective it is. A trained cognitive behavioural therapist should have many and more ideas like this to help you get a grip on your life again.

HELP i have the same problem aswell! Aswell for not to long!!

But with me, the feeling is also sexually.

And sometimes i have the urge to do weird stuff.

Also, i have PDD-NOS (a form of autism).

Also, feelings for women, which i felt sexually aroused to before (big women, with big belly big breasts etc) has also been decreased.
Note that i've always been a huge fan of women (18+) with a baby face (a big, child-like face)

Sometimes, i fantasize about children without the realization how bad it is (without touching my self ofcourse).

I walk all day around, feeling shame for myself.

Have talked to the therapist about this, he still thinks it's weird obssessions and not a real sexuality
But it really feels like that 50% of the day.. :S

I'm really stuck and my therapist isn't any good help..

Please i need help