I just came across your posting and wanted to see how you are doing? When I read your post, it was like someone had just summarized my past decade. I'm so lonely and empty and tired of not being "wanted". My husband has held intimacy from me for 4 years now. The two times I attempted in the 4 years, he stopped because I would not do what he wanted. My punishment.... I guess to never have sex again in my life.
Everything that you wrote is the same with my husband. I think he tried so hard in the beginning because he wanted me for a trophy wife. Over the years he put off and put off having children, something that was very upfront and honest was a REQUIREMENT for a marriage. I never, ever would have married him if he did not want children (he had several from previous marriages (yes plural marriages and children). I brought in a young child that did not have a father. My husband promised he would adopt him and we could have lots more children so my young child could grow up with brothers and sisters.
He was very upfront and 'honest' about what he wanted. He wanted more children and a stay at home wife and mother. We agreed I would leave my career assume this.
I was naive and believed what he promised me. After I married him I found out he can't have children because he had a vasectomy --- what???/ are you f*cking kidding me?????? He convinced me it was an easy thing to reverse and he would get it reversed no problem--not to worry.
Well the one time I had saved up for it, he put off the surgery for 3 months so he could do yard work (his MAJOR OBSESSION). If he had the surgery at the first scheduled date, he would not have been able to do his yard work for a couple months. So surgery was put off and his department closed the following month post-poning it again.
Needless to say, 4 more years of my life and fertility have passed and I am teddering in menopause. It looks like the my chance to ever have the family I spent all of my life preparing for is all but gone and my only child will grow into adulthood with no other family. If something happens to me, what's to come of him? What table will he sit around at Thanksgiving? Who will have him over for Christmas?? My child suffers from an auto-immune condition and has all but overcome severe autism. He's the sweetest person I have ever been blessed to know. How can God leave him with nothing??
I see how my marriage is crumbling with my husband and it is exactly what happened with the other wives. How could I be so naive?? How could I believe what he told me? I was a business woman, college educated.... My husband has done a wondrous job making me feel like crap for the past 4 years I probably should not beat myself up so much but..... I mean, I really should have known this was coming right?? I tried to make him happy for so many years not really realizing all that was occurring. How could have I stayed for so long? I too am like you now, worn out from trying to work and handle the stress load of 10 people in a manner that 10 people probably could not do...I too have health issue from it.....
I don't understand how someone can literally act like they do not love you or really even like you.... and ending a marriage is not a big deal to them, in fact it's the more desirable option!!!... I suppose it's easier to walk away then want to put any work into themselves. They think they are prefect and absolutely correct in all areas so why would something so flawless ever need fixing?
So now I have a life to look forward to that is about as empty as empty can be. No family of my own, just my son who struggles significantly, myself, and a husband that is a stranger, the shell of a person I thought once was so wonderful.
He exists in full blown OCPD, giving myself and son the cold shoulder every day.
Any advise on how to move on? I have no parents or family so that is not an option.
Wishing this finds happiness warming your heart and praying for strength.