Can't seem to shake it..

Several years ago, I had issues with a relationship and when it ended, I was lost and confused. I later learned that I was most likely suffering OCPD. For a long time, I had been doing so well and hadn't had too many problems until recently.

I had some issues that required medication and one of the side effects was it could do damage to your mental health. I was fine for over a year, but unfortunately, I then began to get lots of unexplained mood swings. I could be happy one moment and in tears the next and the variety of triggers was growing as well. I was at this time talking with a good friend who also has issues with anxiety, and they understood much of what I was going through.

I developed an unhealthy affection towards her and knew that I had to tell her so that she was aware of how I felt. Naturally she shot me down, but I was glad that she was still a friend. I always thought of her as someone special in my life (turns out she was more like a best friend and sister than a lover).

I was going through therapy to deal with the issues I was having and began to detox from the medication which had altered my mental state. Whenever I talked to her, I felt calm and relaxed, as I knew she understood me. I think maybe my problems added to hers, but she never once indicated this, but I know her health was struggling a bit too.

Up until a week ago everything seemed fine, then last Wednesday that very good friend shut me out of her life. There was no explanation or anything she just blocked my social media, removed my Snapchat and even removed me from her Wix site (which was also a mental health Blog). The thing that hurt me most was her saying nothing when all I wanted was for her to be open and honest. Instead, she closed herself off and shut me out creating more pain and issues with my thoughts.

I had a therapy session on the Monday, and it was highly enlightening, with the help of the therapist I was able to understand my errors and wanted to explain to her what I had learned. I messaged her on Facebook but there was no response, answer or even acknowledgement from her. I am guessing it was already too late to save our friendship. I feel like I have lost a best friend who is more like a sister than a friend and I am going through that grief as well at this time.