Gather has OCPD I think. My views and observations.

So I was in the military. I separated in 2014 and moved back home to attend school full-time. I like to think I'm a pretty reasonable, kind, and easy going person but my father just has the most aggravating habits. After observing him for these past 3 years I can only conclude he must have OCPD.

Excessive preoccupation with details, lists, orderliness, rules, procedures, or schedules

My dad is retired yet he wakes up at the same time every day no matter what, he goes to bed at the same time roughly~ no matter what (might stay up a hour past his bedtime if a good movie is playing). He keeps everything in a very particular order and nothing can be out of place for long. Here are a few of the things.

- Remote control has to be in the exact same spot no matter what
- Lawn has to be cut early in the morning and always has to be kept trimmed. He always has the same breakfast and routine. He wakes up at roughly 5 am in the morning no matter what. Then he berates me for "slacking off" because I like to sleep in on the weekends.
- Drawer on island in kitchen must always be pushed it (it's frequently left slightly adjar and he will inevitably comment on this)
- If I cook I must immediately clean up everything, wash the plates, utensils, etc. For example if I cook something and leave the room to eat it. The pan might have been sitting out 10 minutes, or a fork might be left on the countertop, or the spray oil left out (it must always be stored under the cabinet immediately). Inevitably I'll hear my name yelled out and that I need to clean it up.
- If I leave a light on in a room he'll freak out (I'm wasting electricity). Yet he'll leave the main 55" TV on when he leaves the room for hours at a time and that's not a issue? He is hyper focused on turning lights off.
- If I take a tool from his work bench and use it. He'll comment almost immediately after it looks Iike I'm done and he's been out of a the room a bit. "Have you put my tools away?". And they have to go exactly back where I found them which I don't find unreasonable but it's to the point where they order on magnetic strip has to be in a certain arrangement.
- He'll go ballistic if I decide to cook something at 8am~ because "The kitchen is closed" but mostly it's because I have to; dirty a pan, dirty the countertop, etc and he will inevitably have to go behind my back to analyze and scrutinize the entire kitchen to make sure I "did it right".
- If he starts a project he has to see it through to the end no matter what and right away. So he'll obsess anything something that doesn't really matter that much but because something is out of order or delayed it must be done. I stay out of it because if I try to help I'll be watched like a hawk to make sure I do it his way.
- He'll have little temper tantrums if I challenge any of these behaviors (It's my house, when you get your own house you can do it your way).
- I have to slowly close the screen porch door (as in it's already closing slowly on it's own but that's not slow enough) because I could "damage it".
- He has to have certain things in certain spots at all times. I tend tonot be as orderly so perhaps it's a virtue? But he takes it to the extreme everytime.
- If I'm dragging a full cloth hamper on the wood floor suddenly he obsesses that I could "damage it" even enough the bottom is a soft elastic fabric. So I have to lug the full thing.
- If he's been out of running a rare errand the first thing he does upon arriving back if I've been there. Is to scan everything. He'll do a walkthrough of the kitchen and if I left anything out again I'll hear my name yelled across the house and he'll tell me to clean it up.
- If I leave a Keurig used container next to the machine because sometimes I'll forget to throw it away. Instead of simply throwing in the trash since he's there (I mean come on it's not a big deal). He'll yell across the house and disrupt whatever it is I'm doing so I can throw it away even through he's literally next to it.
- If i leave a box of ramen on top of the freezer in the laundry room (this is rarely done but sometimes I'll do it.) It could be anything really not just ramen but if I leave it on the freeze. Instead of putting it back on the shelf because may be I forgot. He'll pick it up walk it out to the garbage and put it on top of my car or on a shelf in the garage so that it necessitates I pick it back up and move it back in the house. To me this seems borderline insane behavior.

There are probably other things. But I think some are reasonable but he refuses to acknowledge any of his behavior is abnormal and that I am the "abnormal one" because I don't do things the way he does them.

Perfectionism so stringent that it interferes with task completion

Covered this above. But basically I have to stay out of his way so I don't help with chores when he's around. He has to be the one to mow the law, wash his car, etc... because apparently a 34 year old can't do it right. He makes me feel like a child sometimes (I'm looking to move out back out)

Excessive devotion to work so that it interferes with social and personal activities

He has no real social life. Without my mother to drag him around he'd likely never do anything. For e example in prayer group people don't really engage him and he sits quietly and never participates. Like seriously what's the point of going to these things if you never talk? (I don't go to them because well I don't like religion). So he has no leisure activities. Everything is just cleanliness, order, and routine. His only relaxing thing he does is the occasionally bike ride after my mom drags him out of the house or watching a TV show. Which brings another pet peeve. He is very dedicated to what he wants to watch and trying to get him to watch something I want to watch is almost impossible (so I watch in my room).

Unwillingness to delegate tasks to others for fear others will not perform up to his or her rigid standards

I covered this earlier but he won't ask me to help him outside of maybe some heavy lifting and even that is a chore (I don't get into it but it's just little nuances about lifting style, or how to protect it that borders are extreme)

Extreme frugality or miserliness

He does talk about money a lot and tends to not spend money on things. He does occasionally buy something for "fun". Such as a drone. But that usually lasts a entire day then it's never touched again.


Strict adherence to moral and ethical code, rules and regulations

Inflexibility in morals, rules, and house order. Again his house... so I am at his mercy. But everything must be done his way or it won't be done at all... in fact if I try and inject me order he'll just criticize it and do it his way.

Hoarding useless, worthless items with no sentimental value

This isn't really a issue but there is a kind of obsession with accumulating furniture to get everything "perfect". I don't think this is a big issue however.

Anyways what you think?

I am think of buying a house in the $60,000 range since I have around $150,000~ in savings (from the military and GI bill). The man for the most part is tolerable because I've learned to 'deal' with his behavior but even my mother finds of his demands annoying. As a result I'm much closer to my mother who is much calmer and reasonable about things.

So am I overreacting or do I have a genuine OCPD on my hands?

Meant to say father.

Also another thing about obsessiveness. Let's say I'm asked to clean something up usually 9 out of 10 times he'll find something to nit pick. For example if I'm asked to clean the bathroom. I'll use Lysol Bleach, clean the countertops, sinks, toilet, etc, etc... ask him to check it because I know he'll find something. Of course he finds something he starts getting on all 4 and scrubbing at non-existent things on the floor. Literally there is nothing there yet he'll act like it's the most filthy area and can't believe I missed it. I just see him scrubbing the corner near bathtub at... nothing.. it'll look exactly the same yet he acts like he cleaned something I missed.

Ugh...

sounds like a classic case... probably a good job your dad didn't see you make that spelling mistake, he would likely have grilled you for it lol.

If I can ask... is he like that in public too? Apparently some people with OCPD can act fairly normal in public but in their private life they are completely different.