I am having a hard time coming to terms with what I'm doing and don't know where to turn. I found this forum. I'm completely baffled by how I got here. Never drank, never drugs, always straight shooter. I lost over $4000 last night and came home suicidal. I can't subscribe to religious, higher meaning kind of stuff and it's very difficult to join the masses in the recovery process- I'm the practical kind...and I ...