could he be or is it me?

Please advise me, i have been unable to eat, sleep of function properly for the past 3 weeks.
I met a man on an online dating site, we chatted for 3 months before meeting. He was excellent at conversation and as mad as it seems i felt we had connected even before we met. Though thinking back he was always talking about how keen he was to meet up, it was i who had to instigate and make all arrangements for this to happen.
I had spent 2 years totally single after my divorce from my 2nd husband, my 1st relationship of 12 yrs was with a very violent controling man, he had a personality disorder and commited suicide. The 2nd had concealed he was meeting and having sex with women he was meeting online, obviously this man was armed with all this information whilst getting to know me chatting on the site.
He had been honest in telling me he had had several failed relationships, the longest being 4 years, he claimed each time he was dumped because he hadnt wanted marriage or children. Having spent so long single, by choice may i add, i wanted to get to know myself and found i was happy and able to function without having a man in my life. I had also made it clear that i was not wanting or looking for any commitment but neither was i afraid of it should the right man come along.
Im finding it extremely difficult to find a way of describing this man and the following 2 years but i will keep it as brief as i can. There was a hours drive between us and as i have children i didnt want to introduce to the relationship i only ever saw him twice a week when they had sleepover at nans.On occasions if my boys were away on holiday, i did ask him if i could have more of his time, if he could maybe spend an extra night with me, its like it went on deaf ears and he never did. We always enjoyed each others company and the sexual chemistry and intimacy was amazing, we developed a closeness or at least i know i did. I dont know exactly when or why, maybe 4 months into the relationship id sensed a change and he seemed to be distancing me, hed email or text less and less, when his brother came over from france to stay for a fortnight, he didnt come to see me at all. He always came across as tactless and never once did i see any emotion from him, its like his words contradicted his actions, i ended the relationship and had said that i just felt something not quite right, he didnt try to change my mind nor did he contact me, i felt upset and regret that maybe id been hasty and contacted him after 2 weeks, he said he was so glad that i had and the relationship started again. id realised i was in love with him during the time apart but being perfectly honest my gut feeling from that day on was he was playing a game. when i first met him he was living alone but after a flood had gone to stay with his mum, there was considerable damage to his home so he said it would be a few months before all the work was done, then he would return. He never did, in fact he has 3 properties and lives with his parents by choice. Hes a 45yr old intelligent man, and of all things an advanced skills teacher of psychology! He has an intense dislike of his father, He said he gave him no pocket money throughout his teens because he couldnt spell, he was disruptive at school and always in trouble and had left without a single qualification, a psychologist had been called in and had said he was very intelligent but was bored finding the work too easy and just chose not to do it. He also dislikes his sister and her children, he states they think they are above everyone else. Both his siblings have high achievements and got them from cambridge university, i sensed jealousy which he strongly denies. He put himself back through education and university and became a teacher at the age of 30. He has what i feel is an unhealthy relationship with his mum, she does everything for him and has he has no male friends ive ever heard him speak of, all his activities, whether cinema, excersise, bridge, he does with his mother, she is the only person he expresses a huge amount of love for.
I have never witnessed any empathy from this man, he has never in any relationship tried to fix or save them only to lay blame. Also he speaks of one particular relationship all the time, and he speaks of it as it was yesterday, i was shocked when i learnt it ended 15 years ago, He tells me that i am the one who lacks empathy, he says i am black and white,im too emotional whereas he uses logic alone to deal with things. I have in the past questioned he may have a mild form of asperges,he has often been told he is rude and arrogant, he sees this as people who feel threatened, intimidated or jealous. He seems totally clueless as to why i feel hurt at some of his responses. e.g. im feeling so confused as to whether you have had any genuine feelings for me, he says im sorry you feel this way, im just going to shut my eyes for half an hour before i go to poker!!!
Ive never known him able to take responsibility for anything, another example, hes constantly worrying about his weight and is on a diet, he will say i put on 4lb when i come to your house and will tell me its my fault for buying biscuits and i should hide them so he cant eat any. He is genuinely unable to accept that he should not look in the cupboard in which they are kept or that he should at least try to resist. since i put them there it is my fault only. His mum always hides them is what he will say.
I ended the relationship a few times,each time he never contacted me but was always very happy when i foolishly asked to try again. Last month id felt an improvement, he had started inviting me over to his house, can i add it was while his parents were away, he told me his mother hadnt wanted to get to know anymore of his girlfriends, had she had formed a bond with them and felt upset when they ended the relationship with her son and she never saw them again. I also found it odd when for his mums wedding anniversary he had paid and booked for a meal, his dad would only accept if his son wouldnt be joining them, his mum says his dad is jealous of the closeness they have as mother and son. I find that shocking but would never tell him my thoughts.Anyway he had 3 times in that week told me he loved me, he bought me charms saying i love you and forever together, he told me i was the nicest giving person he had ever met. Ok so im now also spending time helping decorate one of his properties ready for the next tennant, i feel happier as he is now involving me in his life much more, until that terrible day 3 weeks ago when my world was torn apart.
We were approaching his house when all of a sudden he took a sharp left and had frightened me to death, i asked him what was wrong and what he was doing, he refused to speak, total silence each time i asked him. He pulled up in a pub car park, i had to plead and plead for answers, he said it was an ex who hed seen outside his house, he said she was obsessed and would not stop pestering him, having had no mention of her in the whole 2 years i point blank refused to believe him, he then told me that on the occasions i had dumped him he had contacted her again.He said he felt ill with the thought he was never gonna now see me again and that i was the most precious thing in his life. I got out of the car to sit down and take in what he was telling me, With that this woman drove in the car park and pulled up next to him, he just shot off and left me sat there. She told me she also had been with him on and off for 2 years and knew nothing of me. I got the full rundown from her. Still after that he never once tried to contact me, it was i who contacted him after 4 days of silence, hed told me she was unstable and he had on many occasions tried to end it, and that she had threatened suicide to manipulate him, he claimed she tried to instigate sex but he couldnt get an erection, all of these things she too has told me, he said he is weak, he also felt much anger towards her and blames her for the loss of his relationship with me, also i find this unbelievable. I offered to talk to him he refused saying he felt too ashamed to face me, he says he doesnt want to be without me but wont try to work it out,he says i deserve much better than him yet he refuses to give closure stating for him its not over, he just wont give a straight answer. So i told him i would never be contacting him again and he was out of my life, ive not heard from him nor do i expect to. Please tell me what you think? I need honest advice so i can try and make sense and hopefully start to pick myself up from this.

Point Blank:

This guy is a total douche.

Never speak to him again. Period.

Move on. Be happy.

Thankyou for taking time to read this.
your response is very much appreciated and needed.
Kindest regards.

OMG
Ive been so blind as to myself, after reading page after page on this subject i have only just realised
it is me who is damaged and harming people. Im so sorry i had no idea.