How to leave a narcissist?

So I've been dating a narcissist for about 18 months. I've known from almost the begin that he is a N. he is shallow, charming, funny, lies, cheats etc.. We talk everyday and see each other mostly on weekends. He has been good to me in many ways. Always there for me if I need any immediate help. Always shows up, never disappears. Emotionally is another story. This man has never ever admitted any wrong doing. If I bring up something about him that shows him in a negative light he can't stand to look at it. For example if I told him he was being stubborn he would twist it around on me somehow and say it wasn't true or that I made him that way. I've caught him cheating and in lies many many times and he will not admit to any of it. Talks in circles etc..

Anyways I'm getting annoyed by him. I feel like I want to let him go. Being with a npd has its good side but it's getting really old now. I'm not so attracted to him anymore, I don't find him as charming and exciting. I told him I want to get engaged and some other things I want and he doesn't seem to care.

I dated a sociopath years ago and that relationship was so intense and of course ruined my life. This current guy I've been dating has nothing on the sociopath I was with. My current guy seems to have some genuine feelings but he sure is a selfish, self centered and self seeking, person. And like I said its getting really annoying. I don't even mind how he has this inflated view of himself. It's the fact that he is willing to put me down and say bad things about me to make himself look better. Like he says he has to keep his phone locked because I'm insecure. No. You keep your phone locked because you are a cheater.

I've tried to break up with him before last july and he went totally crazy. He threatened to kill me and kill whoever I would be with. He said he had a gun. Blah blah. I don't know if any of that was really true. He doesn't seem very violent to me. Controlling and possessive yes, but not really violent. Oh and that is a question I have. Why would this npd be so obsessed with me? My ex sociopath threw me away like a piece of trash. But the npd doesn't want to let go. What does he really want with me?

So I assume just cut off all contact? Don't respond to his calls or texts?

Normally, I would just suggest you have a talk, like you would do with anybody else, and say that you don't love him and want to move on. But if he is threatening you ... I don't know how serious he is about those threats. You could use the threats as a reason to break up, or if you caught him cheating, that'd be a perfect excuse also.

Bernem33 wrote:So I've been dating a narcissist for about 18 months. I've known from almost the begin that he is a N. he is shallow, charming, funny, lies, cheats etc.. We talk everyday and see each other mostly on weekends. He has been good to me in many ways. Always there for me if I need any immediate help. Always shows up, never disappears. Emotionally is another story. This man has never ever admitted any wrong doing. If I bring up something about him that shows him in a negative light he can't stand to look at it. For example if I told him he was being stubborn he would twist it around on me somehow and say it wasn't true or that I made him that way. I've caught him cheating and in lies many many times and he will not admit to any of it. Talks in circles etc..

Anyways I'm getting annoyed by him. I feel like I want to let him go. Being with a npd has its good side but it's getting really old now. I'm not so attracted to him anymore, I don't find him as charming and exciting. I told him I want to get engaged and some other things I want and he doesn't seem to care.

I dated a sociopath years ago and that relationship was so intense and of course ruined my life. This current guy I've been dating has nothing on the sociopath I was with. My current guy seems to have some genuine feelings but he sure is a selfish, self centered and self seeking, person. And like I said its getting really annoying. I don't even mind how he has this inflated view of himself. It's the fact that he is willing to put me down and say bad things about me to make himself look better. Like he says he has to keep his phone locked because I'm insecure. No. You keep your phone locked because you are a cheater.

I've tried to break up with him before last july and he went totally crazy. He threatened to kill me and kill whoever I would be with. He said he had a gun. Blah blah. I don't know if any of that was really true. He doesn't seem very violent to me. Controlling and possessive yes, but not really violent. Oh and that is a question I have. Why would this npd be so obsessed with me? My ex sociopath threw me away like a piece of trash. But the npd doesn't want to let go. What does he really want with me?

So I assume just cut off all contact? Don't respond to his calls or texts?

Your post screams of still being emotionally involved with this individual. As well as of delusion into the actual reality of the situation. You know what to do, to leave someone. You want someone, anyone to help you deal with him. But you do not want him completely gone. You aren't ready for that.

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. I have no problem admitting that, like many narcs, such as yours apparently do.

Yes I'm still emotionally involved. I do have feelings for him. As of now, I've just mostly been ignoring the things that annoy me. Because like I said there are many good things that I like about being with a narc. But sometimes he just takes it too far. It's like come on seriously.
I'm just thinking like can I really stay with this man? I mean what is our future going to look like?
At the same time I can't imagine being with a normal man.ughh. They just gross me out. I can't stand all their feelings and emotions.

Oh god I know what you're talking about...

It is annoying... only way I learned to deal with it is to dominate them myself. This makes them run, yea, but I can't think of any other way nor will I settle for less.
How good of a fighter are you? And do you want to fight for him? If he really wants you like he shows he does, he might take it...

As long as you are still emotionally attached.. he will decide when the relationship is over. Good luck through it all. There is no easy answer.

I'm a narc that spent 24 total hours with my exnarc over a 6 months period and I haven't seen him for 5 months. I still have extreme difficulty getting over him. And I am not supposed to feel anything for anyone.

Normal doesn't do it for me.

It's so hard for me to believe there is nothing inside of him like I am reading. That he can't love. Yes he is very selfish but there are times when he seems very human to me. Like when I am sick he really tries to help me, getting anything I need and being genuinely concerned. He always answers every call and every text. Always shows up when he is suppose to. Are there degrees of narcissism?

His love might be idealized/romanticized. Yea he is loving, just that it's not the proper/real kind.
Good news is you can teach him. How long have you been with him?

Bernem33 wrote:It's so hard for me to believe there is nothing inside of him like I am reading. That he can't love. Yes he is very selfish but there are times when he seems very human to me. Like when I am sick he really tries to help me, getting anything I need and being genuinely concerned. He always answers every call and every text. Always shows up when he is suppose to. Are there degrees of narcissism?

What makes you so absolutely sure he has NPD?

He is so a narc.